I hereby terminate my relationship with Las Vegas. We had some great times, and I will hold those dear. But lately, it’s changed. It’s not the same city I fell head-over-heels for 10 years ago. On a recent visit, my needs were not met. What used to be an adult Disney World for any income level is now a VIP playground for those with a secret password and lots of money to burn. I remember the days when I could sidle up to the nickel slots and be showered with attention in the form of free Coronas. As long as I had money in the machine — no matter how large or small the amount — the waitresses were happy to bring on the beverages. Now it’s a different story.
Last weekend, I sat in the slot pit for more than an hour before a waitress came by. My $20 only lasted 90 seconds. Discouraged and sober, I pulled up a stool at the nearby bar and put $5 in the blackjack bar-top game. I ordered a vodka and Red Bull, expecting it to be free as it always had been in the past, and was snidely informed that I need to bet at least $10 and play at least three times. And this was at the Excalibur for chrissakes … I would expect this at the Bellagio or Venetian … but a frickin’ castle that lost its charm 15 years ago?
Don’t get me wrong — I had a great time with great friends. The food was amazing, and the shopping was exhausting. But I couldn’t help but think about how much more — and less expensive — fun we could have in, say, New Orleans or Savannah … or even Key West. Las Vegas, you used to make everyone feel like they deserved a break and were playing at the same table of harmless debauchery. You’ve tightened your purse strings, and now we hold this truth to be self-evident: The house always wins.
After my “very special” Bar Belle last month, my readers weren’t shy about sending me advice. I truly appreciated it and took it all to heart. I thought I’d share a few with you … in case someone else’s heart is in the same meat-grinder as mine.
•“A mix of weed at night and the gym in the morning has always worked best for me.”
•“Stop fucking mooning over the situation and find somebody … anybody.”
•“You deserve someone awesome and great, and you should never settle for anything less.”
•“Start a break-up blog.”
•“Volunteer (so many obvious benefits, but it also clearly helps keep the alcohol level in check for a few hours, and volunteer organizations tend to be free of sappy love songs).”
•“Sweat it out, forgive yourself for all of the desperate things you do while you are suffering, and if you ever need to skip town, there is room here in Europe.”
•“Read ‘How to Survive the Loss of a Love.’”
•“Listen to Jenny Owen Youngs’ ‘Fuck Was I.’”
•“Go see a psychic — they seldom tell you bad things, so it’s good for the soul.”
•“Surround yourself with positive things, people, places, ideas ... because you deserve to smile and laugh every day.”
There are two important beer events this week, and you should know about them. First up is Keg Liquor’s Sixth Annual Insanity Beer Tasting on Thursday from 5-8 p.m. If you like winter beers, this is the place to find your favorite. More than 25 beers will be available for sampling at this Clarksville brew mecca, and best of all, it’s free! Check out www.kegliquors.com for details.
Next up is the Second Annual Highlands Beer Fest at ValuMarket on Saturday from 5-9 p.m. They promise more than 500 craft and import brews. Tickets for unlimited samples are $25 in advance, $30 the day of. The first 1,000 receive a free pint glass. Check out www.valumarket.com for more.
Drunk Texts of the Week
•hes a felony waiting to happen
•would you go to a blind tattoo artist??
•I can lick anybdy n ths bar
•Sushi is an acquired taste, like buttsex
Check out my daily reasons to drink at barbelle.leoweekly.com