Cover Story
Change of heart
For the past three days, local journalists, city lawmakers and concerned residents have questioned why Mayor Jerry Abramson has inexplicably missed several scheduled appearances, including a ribbon-cutting at a new downtown business. After the Mayor’s Office repeatedly failed to explain Abramson’s mysterious absence, several Metro Council members called a special meeting to discuss the possibility…
Feel
When I left for vacation, I promised I would return, and I have, but something has changed. I used to feel an almost supernatural responsibility to the Truth. It was as if it was my personal duty to set the record straight. I don’t know where I came up with such a misguided notion, but…
Inbox — March 31, 2010
No Joke I recently was informed that Louisville has in fact not seceded from the state of Kentucky, despite what your publication reported last year (June 24, 2009). For all these months, I have been walking around with my head held high, thinking I was a proud citizen of the nation’s 51st state. Now, I…
Bar Belle: Just say no to Jemima
Once upon a time, about four score and seven years ago, the Bar Belle got tired of the drink. “I’m fat,” she said as she stood in front of the mirror grabbing her spare tire. “I’m hungover. I’m tired of swallowing. There’s got to be more to partying than alcohol.” As she gazed into her…
Hell is Real
In a stunning development, hell is real. The announcement began appearing recently on billboards across rural Kentucky. The news is expected to have implications for nearly every human being. Local citizens and leaders from the political, religious, business and entertainment communities reacted in stunned silence as interstate billboards across Kentucky proclaimed in stark, correctly spelled…
The ‘I’ in Music
Feral cats pawing their way through sleepy Walnut Street looking for mice might have to relocate. And Santa’s Depot just off Interstate 65 will have new competition in the award for Seasonal Weirdness. For too long, the music market in Louisville Metro — 16th largest city, eat it Seattle! — has been as lopsided as…
‘Blueberry Mary’ is modern day ‘Moby Dick’
While there’s no white whale in “Blueberry Mary,” the similarities — including pure literary genius — between this book and Herman Melville’s “Moby Dick” are endless. With its astute writing style and profound message, it’s hard to believe author Sara Havens wrote this for a class assignment 11 years ago while in high school. The…
News and Such
Pro-meat group plans statue of man enjoying chicken leg People for the Eating of Every Tasty Animal (PEETA) announced plans late Monday to erect a downtown statue that is drawing some controversy. The statue, depicting a “happy stout fellow getting down on a crispy fried chicken leg,” represents the simple joys of life, according to…
Strange currency
Marissa Burnside is nursing her newborn son, Joshua, on a bench in sunny Waterfront Park. The water is calm, the air gentle and warm. As the infant jockeys for a better suckling position, the mother looks away at something on the horizon. She starts to cry. “I wish I could give him up,” she says,…
B-Sides: Music & Other Ephemera
When Churchill Downs reached for the moon in booking big-name acts at the first-ever music festival HullabaLou in July, they must have bypassed the Loggins Galaxy. “I mean, with names like Richard Marx, Michael McDonald and Colbie Caillat, I should be a shoe-in … or at least get a free ticket,” says the ’80s soundtrack…
Staffpicks
Wednesday, March 31 Try scotch Sure, rum is fun and gin makes you grin. Bourbon gets star status in this state, and vodka is touted for its low calories. And tequila, well, who doesn’t love a party? But then there’s scotch … often left out of a night on the town. Scotch is revered in…
Plugged In
Wed. Mar. 31 11th Frame: Karaoke with Allen; 9 p.m., free (R) BBC 4th Street: Open Mic with Eli Rector; 7 p.m., free, (R) Bearno’s Highlands: Open Mic with Chad Cheek; 8 p.m., free (R) Clifton’s Pizza: Walker & Kays; 7 p.m., free Comedy Caravan: Louisville Comedy Underground; 10 p.m., $5, 18+ Dat Kjun: Karaoke…
Embracing a seafood lover’s economical choice
In economically challenging times, dining out can be a difficult proposition; budgets are tight and compromises must be made. But for foodies, a trying economy can add an element of fun to dining because it forces one to search for those hidden gems we might otherwise overlook. One can easily point to an establishment like…
Portland invaded by major indie rock festival — whoops, wrong Portland
“These are not the asymmetrical haircuts we’re looking for,” singer Waldo Kraichek remarked to the rest of his band, peering out the window at a mullet that was far from ironic. After 36 hours in a 15-passenger Econoline, the frontman for Omaha, Neb., indie darlings Matters of Taste looked more closely at the band’s tour…
KISS donates ‘Let’s Put the X in Sex’ royalties to John Timmons
Ear X-tacy owner John Timmons has found an unlikely ally to help keep his 10,000-square-foot store afloat, this time for good. In a press conference last week, KISS bassist-turned-reality TV star Gene Simmons took a break from writing his forthcoming autobiography for Viking Press, “My Beautiful Face,” to announce he will be donating the royalties…
The writing on the stall
A funny thing happened while I was hovering over the toilet in a filthy public restroom the other day. Holding onto the TP dispenser to remain steady without actually coming into contact with the seat, I glanced to the right and was mesmerized by what I saw: There, scrawled on the metal stall, was a…
Louisvillian Dick Sisto to rewrite ‘Law & Order’ intro
Dun-dun: Two of the most recognizable bass notes in modern television will get a makeover next season when Louisville jazz legend Dick Sisto takes over for Mike Post to rewrite the theme song for “Law & Order.” “Dad can do it,” said Dick’s son, Jeremy Sisto, who stars as one of the two lead detectives…
Nibbles
Proposed changes in Kentucky’s legal drinking age remain under discussion in the state legislature as House and Senate members work to compromise the chambers’ differing bills. Rep. Homer Dawkins, R-Waddy, leads the effort to reduce the legal age to 18, arguing, “If they can fight in Eye-rack, they can have a PBR, by gum!” Sen.…
WEB EXCLUSIVE: Video TapeWorm (not fake)
THIS WEEK’S TWIN PEEKS: THE GRADUATE 1967; $19.95, R One of the most entertaining films ever made, now on cheap Blu-Ray. A young Dustin Hoffman, newly sprung from college and tired of being his parent’s Golden Child, strikes back by having an affair with Anne Bancroft, wife of his dad’s boss — until, that is,…
Douchebag from gym reveals top five restaurants
That one douchebag you know from the gym recently announced his Top Five Absolute Best Fucking Restaurants in Louisville, via a live and impromptu public statement. The douchebag, 30-ish, whose name you think might be Cody or possibly Toby, issued the statement while under the influence of three shots of Jagermeister and four Bud Selects,…
