That one douchebag you know from the gym recently announced his Top Five Absolute Best Fucking Restaurants in Louisville, via a live and impromptu public statement.
The douchebag, 30-ish, whose name you think might be Cody or possibly Toby, issued the statement while under the influence of three shots of Jagermeister and four Bud Selects, while wearing an Affliction T-shirt and standing by a crowded bar at Beef O’Brady’s watching “Ultimate Fighting Champion” on the big screen.
“Dude, B-Dubs has the BEST wings in the city, seriously,” the douchebag spat just inches from your face. “B-Dubs is No. 1, hands down. No. 2 is, um, T.G.I. Friday’s, because they have that three-course deal. That place is tight.”
Cody or Toby then paused, seeming to forget momentarily what he was talking about, before swaying precipitously to his right and then continuing: “Oh yeah! Didjoueverget those cheese things? Cheese biscuits! Red Lobster has those cheese biscuits, so that’s … wait, am I up to three?”
He then mumbled something about whether Applebee’s and Olive Garden were both owned by the same company, therefore counting as one, at which point you walked away, using a suddenly full bladder as a ready excuse.
“Did I already count Red Lobster?” you heard Cody or Toby say as his slurred words faded into the din of the crowd.
This article appears in March 26, 2010.