What a Week

May 30, 2006 at 8:43 pm

Will you still browbeat me?
Hoping to capitalize on the ongoing geezerification of boomer America, a group of developers announced plans to build 600 condos on River Road at Towhead Island, where old farts can congregate, compare disposable diaper products, nosh on soft foods and tap their toes at events like last weekend’s Abbey Road on the River, where, for the 64,000th time, die-really-hard Beatles fans listened to 64 cover bands sing “When I’m 64,” which has more poignancy than ever, now that they are. The RiverPark Place condo development will include two 16-story towers and should open in time for Ringo’s 70th birthday.

First thing, let’s sue all the lawyers
Frustrated that his repeated lawsuits alone weren’t making his insanity apparent, a Louisville man named Daniel Cobble poured 15 buckets of driveway sealer on the steps of the federal courthouse in Louisville. Cobble, who had previously filed lawsuits against the U.S. State Department, Denny’s Restaurants, Value City Furniture and the Commonwealth of Kentucky — all of which had been dismissed despite the reasonable sound of it — said he committed the vandalism to get a trial — any trial. When the crack courthouse security team didn’t seem to notice anything amiss straightaway, Cobble poured another bucket inside the courthouse foyer, which finally earned him his long-sought appearance before judge Dave Whalin, who heroically did not ask, “Is Cobble stoned?” And speaking of humor and the law, a Louisville surgeon who had been sued five times for malpractice sued the attorney who sued him. The doctor won, but the lawyer announced plans to perform a retaliatory surgery as soon as possible.

Hot for teacher
For the second straight year, Kentucky’s public-school dropout rate increased slightly, from 3.4 percent to 3.5 percent. One possible solution to the problem is McCracken County Schools’ innovative approach of hiring an ex-porn star to teach science and coach volleyball. Tericka Dye, who appeared in 11 adult films under various screen names, was suspended from Paducah’s Reidland High School and told that her contract would not be renewed. But the Kentucky Board of Education, cleverly sensing a way to keep students in school, ordered a hearing before a tribunal. Dye believes she can win reinstatement if only she can get enough public exposure.
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