Of all the things I said, did, fell over, woke up to, failed to remember and spewed last year, my biggest regret is this dangerous little habit of mine the experts have termed “drunk dialing.” It can ruin friendships and destroy families in the push of a button. And if you’re dating someone, forget about it. It’ll be over faster than you can say, “Hey, Mike, remember me? I think we went out in the seventh grade.”
I hereby declare drunk dialing, or, rather, the stopping of, my No. 1 New Year’s Resolution.
I have a funny feeling my friends can relate to the story in the new Evanescence song, particularly when Amy Lee sings, You never call me when you’re sobeeerrrrr! How many of you frantically check your cell phone’s Outgoing Calls log in the morning before you even address your hangover? Lord knows why it seems like such a good idea to call every single person in your phone when you’ve been drinking — including your boss, your mom and your ex-boyfriends — but perhaps something should be done to prevent it. I’m tossing around a few ideas. One is similar to what repeat DUI offenders have to do to start their car. You would blow into your phone, and if it detects a .08 or higher on your breath, you’re unable to call anyone … except 911 and taxis, I guess.
Two more ways to prevent drunk dialing: 1) Don’t bring your phone out; 2) Have two phones — one with your day-to-day contacts in it, and one, your “drinking phone,” that only has the numbers of your drinking buddies, taxis and occasional f-buddies.
Or, you can simply use the forewarning method — have your contacts sign a Waiver of Drunk Dialing that states you’re not responsible for anything you say or what time you call if they agree to have their number stored in your phone.
It may sound extreme, but something has to be done about this epidemic of drunken diarrhea of the mouth.
Here’s hoping your New Year’s resolutions are as imperative as mine. E-mail me when you’re sober at shavens@leoweekly.com
This article appears in January 2, 2007.