Q: Im a 67-year-old gay man. After a breakup 15 years ago, I believed the possibility of emotional and sexual intimacy with a partner was over for me. Then a couple of months ago, my desire for sexual contact increased dramatically. For the first time, I began using apps, and I felt like the proverbial kid in a candy store; it seemed strangely similar to when I first came out in San Franciscos Castro neighborhood in the early 1970s. Also, I was surprised not unpleasantly by the whole Daddy phenomenon, never imagining that this old face and body would interest younger men. You can probably guess what happened next: I was contacted by a 22-year-old man who revealed himself to be mature, intelligent, sweet, and, fatally, the physical type that arouses me most. I fell hard, and he seems to like me too. Am I a creep? A fool? Is my judgment impaired?
Dumb And Daddy
A: The sexy Daddy thing which has always been with us seems to be undergoing a resurgence. Perhaps our omnipresent abusive orange father figure is giving us all daddy issues that are manifesting (in some) as a burning desire to service kinder, sexier, more benevolent daddies. Or perhaps the internet is to blame not for creating more people interested in intergenerational sex and/or romance, but for making it easier for people to anonymously seek out the kind of sex and kinds of sex partners they truly want. Even if the initial looking is anonymous, DAD, discussing ones desires with others who share them helps people grow more comfortable with their desires and themselves nothing melts away shame quite like knowing youre not alone and more people are coming out about their non-normative sexual desires, partner preferences, relationship models, etc., than ever before.
That said, DAD, if the affections of a consenting adult 40-plus years your junior is your particular perk of aging, go ahead and enjoy it. Keep your expectations realistic (a successful STR is likelier than a successful LTR), dont do anything stupid (see Father Clements, below), and reacquaint yourself with my constantly updated and revised Campsite Rule: When theres a significant age and/or experience gap, the older and/or more experienced person has a responsibility to leave the younger and/or less experienced person in better shape than they found them. No unplanned or planned pregnancies, no sexually transmitted infections, no leading the younger partner to believe forever is likely. Do what you can to boost their knowledge, skills, and self-confidence while youre together, and do your best to stick the nearly inevitable dismount the chances that youll be together forever are slim, but you can forever be a friend, mentor, and resource.
While the age difference will creep some out, DAD, that doesnt mean youre a creep. Dont want to be a fool? Dont do anything foolish (see Father Clements, below). Worried about infatuation-impaired judgment leading you to do something foolish? Ask a few trusted friends to smack you upside the head if you start paying his rent or lending him your credit cards. And just as you dont want to take advantage of this young man, DAD, you dont want to be taken advantage of either. We associate age with power, but youth and beauty confer their own kinds of power, and that power can be abused it can also lead seemingly sensible men to sign their life savings over to 24-year-old Romanian models.
For example: A 79-year-old retired priest has been left heartbroken and homeless after his 24-year-old husband left him just after their home was put into his name, LGBTQ Nation reported. Philip Clements sold his home in Kent, England, for £214,750, before moving to Romania and purchasing an apartment for the couple to live in in Bucharest. He signed over the property to Florin Marin, so that Marin would have security after he passed away Marin broke things off just weeks after the apartment was put in his name, and Clements found himself homeless.
Keep Father Clementss sad story in mind, DAD, but dont be paralyzed by it. Because there are lots of examples of loving, lasting, non-creepy, non-foolish relationships between partners with significant age gaps out there. So enjoy this while it lasts, and if things start to get creepy if he starts shopping for an apartment in Bucharest then youll have to pull the plug. But if this turns into a loving, lasting, healthy, and unconventional LTR, DAD, then one day hell get to pull your plug. (When that day comes, which hopefully wont be for a long, long time.)
Q: Someone at work not my boss asked me to fuck his wife. Hes a nice guy, his wife is hot, and Im single. This is a first for me. Besides STI status, what questions should I ask?
Help Interested Straight Boy Understand Lusts Limitations
A: 1) Are you a cuckold or is this a hotwife thing? (Considering your sign-off, HISBULL, either youve assumed hes a cuckold or hes told you he is one. If he is a cuck, he may want dirty texts and pictures or hell want to be in the room where it happens. Is that okay with you?)
2) Have you done this before? (The reality of another person sleeping with your up-to-now-monogamous spouse can dredge up intense emotions, e.g., jealousy, sadness, anger, rage. If theyve done this before and enjoyed it, you can jump right in. If they havent, maybe start with a make-out session at a time or in a place where you cant progress to sex.)
3) Can I speak directly with your wife? (Youll want to make sure she isnt doing this under duress and that shes into you, and youll want to independently verify the things hes told you about their arrangement, health, experiences, etc.)
Q: I recently started seeing a gorgeous 24-year-old woman whos smart and sweet and also happens to have a few out-there fetishes. Theres not much Ill say no to, Dan, but one of the things shes into is formicophilia (a sexual interest in being crawled on or nibbled by insects). I offered to get some ants and worms to crawl on her body while I fuck her, but she wants me to put earthworms in her vagina. Is there a safe way to do this? Female condom? I want to help, but putting worms in your vagina seems like it will end with an embarrassing trip to the ER.
Worries Over Really Messy Scenario
A: I thought I had heard everything, said Dr. Jen Gunter, an ob-gyn in San Francisco. Apparently not.
Dr. Gunter, Twitters resident gynecologist, first went viral when she urged women not to put jade eggs in their vaginas, just one of the many idiocies pushed by the idiots at Goop, Gwyneth Paltrows idiotic lifestyle website. Last week, Dr. Gunter had to urge women and men not to shoot coffee up their butts, also recommended by Goop. So I thought she might have something to say about stuffing earthworms in your girlfriends vagina.
This is obviously unstudied, Dr. Gunter said, but anything that lives in soil could easily inoculate the vagina with pathogenic bacteria. Also, I am not sure what earthworm innards could do to the vagina, but I am guessing the worms would get squished and meet an untimely demise during sex. How would you get the pieces of dead earthworm out of her vagina? I can think of a lot of ways this could go very wrong. I would advise against it.
Im with Dr. Gunter (and, no doubt, PETA): Dont stuff earthworms in your girlfriends vagina. That said, WORMS, tucking a few earthworms into a female condom and carefully inserting it into your girlfriends vagina without shoving your cock in there too is a thoroughly disgusting thing to contemplate and blech. But while it would most likely kill the earthworms (maybe switch em out for gummy worms at the last second?), it probably wouldnt damage your girlfriend or land you both in the ER. Even so, WORMS, dont do it. Because blech.
Read Dr. Gunters blog (drjengunter.wordpress.com), follow her on Twitter (@DrJenGunter), and check out her new column in the New York Times (The Cycle).
On the Lovecast: Finally, a toy to help you do your kegels! Listen at savagelovecast.com.