Q: Im a reader in Kansas with two teenage daughters, 16 and 18. My girls recently met a boy where they work and both took an interest in him. The 18-year-old was devastated that he was more interested in her younger sister. I spoke to the 16-year-old about it, which is when I found out this boy is going to be a sophomore in college. The fact that hes interested in a 16-year-old is a red flag. I asked the 16-year-old to keep her distance. She agreed, but I saw a shirtless photo he sent her. I dont know what other photos hes sent and I dont know what shes sent him, but I immediately removed all photo apps from her phone. The girls have had public fights about this boy. Theyve made peace with each other, but now my 18-year-old wants to date him. I cant control the actions of an 18-year-old but (1) it seem likely this guy is a complete creep and (2) isnt her relationship with her sister more important?
Knowing A Numbskull Stalks Adorable Sisters
A: 1. Im not ready to pronounce this guy a creep at least not for the age difference. It sounds like he met your daughters someplace theyre all working this summer, which is a lot less icky than some college boy creeping on high-school girls via Instagram. And you say this boy is going to be a sophomore in college, KANSAS, but dont give his age. There are 30-year-old college sophomores, of course, but if this boy went straight to college from high school, that would make him 19 years old. If your 16-year-old is closing in on 17, this guy could be older by two years and change. While I can understand why you wouldnt want your younger daughter dating college boys, I think you are overreacting to the age difference and its a moot issue, as hes no longer pursuing your younger daughter.
1.5. You know what is creepy? Pursuing a pair of sisters. The possibility of conflict was so predictable, it was likely a motivating factor for him. Getting off on drama and public fights isnt a crime, but it is a red flag.
2. You ordered your 16-year-old to stop seeing this guy and deleted apps from her phone. (Its cute you think your daughter isnt tech-savvy enough to re-download and hide all the same apps.) You should warn your daughter about the risks of sexting it may be legal for her to have sex (16 is the age of consent in Kansas), but she could face child porn charges for sending photos and this boy could wind up on a sex-offender registry for receiving them. (Laws meant to protect young people from being exploited are routinely used to punish them.) But dont attempt to micromanage your daughters love lives. Parental disapproval has a way of driving teenagers into each others arms, KANSAS. If you dont want your daughters having a fuck-you-mom threesome with this guy before the summer is over, youll let them work through this on their own but go ahead and stitch boys come and go but sisters are forever on a couple of pillows and put them on their beds.
Q: Im a straight guy married to a wonderful woman. She has a daughter. This girls bio dad is a checked-out deadbeat, so I have played dad since I met her mom five years ago. The girl who used to be a gangly, awkward 11-year-old is now 16, and theres no other way to put this: She is hot. Im not supposed to notice, I know, and I have ZERO interest in being creepy with her, and she has ZERO interest in me. But she has always liked to cuddle with me and still does. I believe safe closeness from a dad figure helps girls make good choices when it comes to boys. (If not for me, she might seek attention from douchebag teenage boys trying to take advantage.) I want to continue to play this role for her. But when she comes in wearing tiny shorts and puts her legs over my lap, I get rock hard. Im not trying to be creepy, but Im a guy and shes a perfect female specimen. I cant say, We cant be as physically close as we used to be, because that itself would be creepy and it would make her sad.
Insert Dad Acronym Here Obviously
A: Sometimes children grow up and get hot, and bonus adults in their lives typically (and thankfully) not their bio or lifelong parents cant help but notice. The onus is on the adult in that situation to suppress that shit. Not awareness of a young persons objective hotness, which cannot be suppressed, but all evidence of said awareness. Which means setting boundaries and, if necessary, keeping your distance. No, you shouldnt go to your stepdaughter and say, You got hot, and I get boners when you put your legs on my lap, so stop. But you should put an end to the cuddling. When she plops down on the couch, go take a walk or a shower or a shit. Better she has a sad over the end of snuggle time than she notices your boners and feels unsafe around you.
Shes most likely plopping down on you out of habit, IDAHO, not out of a need for affection from a trusted male. I promise you, shes not going to start blowing bad boys in back alleys if she cant get close enough to give you a boner anymore. (Also, if you dont want to come across as a creep, dont describe your stepdaughteror any other woman as a perfect female specimen. Ick.)
Q: My college-student daughter lives in an apartment over our garage. She has a boyfriend, age 19. After many loud discussions, he is allowed to sleep over. My daughter got an IUD without informing me, so I assume theyre sexually active. Two days ago, I crept into the apartment to check on something and found bondage items on her bed a set of formidable leather restraints. Im worried shes being pressured to do things someone her age wouldnt be interested in. We agreed not to go into the apartment when she wasnt present, and I know there will be a loud discussion if I tell her what I saw. The mental image of my bound daughter distresses me and I worry for her safety. What do I do?
Offspring Has Incriminating Objects
A: You stay the fuck out of your offsprings apartment when she isnt home, OHIO, per your agreement. And you keep these things in mind: Just as there are young queer people out there, there are young kinky people out there too. Your adult daughter might be one of them. For all you know, the restraints were her idea and her boyfriend is the one getting tied up. And a scary-to-mom set of restraints is a lot safer than nylon clothesline or cheap handcuffs. Leather restraints distribute pressure evenly, making them less likely to pinch a nerve or cut off circulation. Like your adult daughter getting herself an IUD, formidable bondage gear is a good sign that she takes her safety seriously.
Finally, OHIO, its perfectly understandable that you dont like the mental image of your adult daughter tied to the bed in her apartment (her apartment, not the apartment), but Im guessing you dont like the mental image of your adult daughter with a dick in her mouth, either. Just as you dont torment yourself by picturing the blowjobs your adult daughter is almost certainly giving her boyfriend, dont torment yourself by picturing whatever else she might be doing with, to, or for him.