Dear Oracle,
My father married his second wife over 20 years ago after my mother died. I know he loved my mother very deeply and still misses her and has found himself growing old with someone he initially didnt intend to. The thing is, I dont think hes happy in his marriage. They dont seem to have much in common or enjoy spending time together, and while he defends her behavior (excess drinking, ignorant remarks), I know he doesnt agree with it. Part of me wants to talk to him about it, but I dont know how. What do the cards say?
-- Worried Son
Cards: The Sun (rev.), Three of Swords (rev.), Six of Swords, King of Cups (rev.)
Dear Son,
I think there was a little light in your dads heart that went out when your mother died, and I dont think it was ever relit. I think your mother was his Sun, the light of his life, a source of joy and wisdom, and when she left this world, he was devastated.
With those Three of Swords reversed it does look like hes still in mourning, even after all these years. If your mother had lived, they might have had one of those rare marriages that lasts 50, 60, 70 yearsI dont know. Im so sorry they didnt get the chance to try for that.
The Six of Swords is a card thats pulling double duty here. It is a card about holding onto the past and inertia, which suggests that your fathers broken heart keeps him from moving forward, whatever that looks like. The Six of Swords is also an uncomfortable time, and there is certainly a grin and bear it energy to it, so he might be committed to this second marriage, even if hes not happy.
And I agree with you: I dont think hes happy. He doesnt sound that way from your question, and with the King of Cups reversed, I dont think hes the blissful bridegroom this time around. The Cup Court is a loyal bunch that takes the for better or worse part of marriage vows seriously. I think he is trying to honor his commitment and will defend his wife (even if her behavior is undesirable), but I dont think hes joyful about it.
Now, none of this is to say that he does not love his second wife or never loved her. As Ive written before, people get married for all sorts of reasons, and true love is only one of them. His second marriage might have been based on a love formed by companionship and respect rather than romanceagain, I dont know.
I also dont know if it would feel worse to be married to someone whose company you dont enjoy or to age and die alone. As a 33-year-old, I know what Id choose, but I might feel differently at 83.
I do think its worth talking to your dadbut not in a judgmental, you made a mistake with this marriage sort of way. I think you need to be very delicate in your approach.
Since the root of this seems to be his grief about your mother, you might try to talk about your feelings or memories of her. Its a loss you both share. That might open the door for him to talk about his current feelings. But, if your dad wants to keep that door shut (and he might), you can simply tell him that you love him and you want him to be happy. Hell hear you.
Dear Oracle,
I am interviewing people for my team at work. Ill be their direct supervisor. Recently, our CEO has come to us with a candidate they are obsessed with. I interviewed them, and they seem VERY wrong for the job. The CEO wants me to fast-track them, but I dont think thats a good idea. But how do I tell my CEO I think shes wrong?
--Bucking Against the Boss
Cards: Last Quarter, New Moon, Queen of Pentacles (rev.), Death (rev.)
Dear BAB,
You might try to raise your valid concerns with your boss, but I dont think it will do anything for you. I rarely get moon cards, but here I have two: the Last quarter, signaling that things are out of control and you need to let go, and the generative idea of space of the New Moon.
In that generative space, your CEO, aka Queen of Pentacles, got the idea that this candidate is THE one to deliver. I dont know why she decided that, but I dont think youre going to talk her out of it.
There might be a couple of reasons why the Death card is lurking at the end here. The first could be that to bump up against the CEO would mean you would be the ax (or scythe) and be out of a job. Or, it might mean that you hire this very wrong candidate, and in six months, when theyve proven to be a bad fit, youll fire them, and hopefully, your CEO will send them off with a severance package theyre obsessed with.
Like all my advice for the corporate world, I would get your thoughts down in writing, explicitly outlining your concerns about the candidate (lack of experience? Abrasive communication style?) and how you think other candidates should be considered. If anyone else was in on the interview and agrees with you, get them to put it down, too. Send it up the chain so higher-ups/the CEO see your objections. If they hire them and those red flags from the interview come up while theyre working, document those too.
Hopefully, though, the Death card just signals the end of their candidacy, the CEO backs off, and you hire someone you think is qualified for your team. If not, well everything in life is temporary. Do what you can and try to be zen about whats outside of your control.
Good luck!