Dear Oracle,
I feel like I’m at a crossroads with my soulmate. When I met “X,” we instantly connected and quickly fell into a passionate and tumultuous relationship. It ended several years ago, and he has been with another woman since. However, we still talk every day, and I know we have a deep well of love for one another. We are each other’s “person.” Recently, he mentioned that he would like to start an affair, but I don’t know if going back to that part of our relationship would ruin what we now have. Do the cards have any advice?
—X-Lover
Cards: Ace of Swords (rev.), The Moon (rev.), Wanning Gibbous, Eight of Wands
Dear X-Lover,
First, I absolutely believe in soulmates, both platonic and romantic. I believe there are people we are meant to meet and walk through this life with, either for a flash of time or for years. But I don’t believe that “love is all we need” in relationships, and the words of fuckboys (of all genders) should be taken with grains of salt.
There is a lot of information missing in this letter, including if you’re actually happy with this current arrangement. You don’t want to lose it, but is it your best-case scenario? Because the cards are suggesting otherwise.
With the Ace of Swords reversed, I think you’ve been questioning if this arrangement is working for you. The swords can be a critical eye; the Ace suggests looking inwardly, and paired with the reversed Moon, it suggests digging deep.
The Moon is a card of the Jungian Shadow, our hidden selves, and often includes truths we don’t want to acknowledge. What is the relationship giving you? What does it mean to you to have a soulmate who is in a relationship with another woman? (Since you used the word “affair,” I assume that relationship isn’t open.) What does that level of distance provide for you? If you’ve talked every day for several years, there is some benefit to the arrangement. What is it? And is that benefit healthy for you in the long run?
The Wanning Gibbous appears when we need to let something go, especially something that we’re fixated on or that’s self-destructive. Has this arrangement affected your romantic relationships? Has it had an effect on your self-esteem or your goals for life?
The Eight of Wands can feel overwhelming—but it often has to do with a sense of purpose. So ask yourself: what purpose has this relationship has served for you in the past and what it would mean to stick with it in the future? This might cause a lot of emotions to pop up but stick with them, even if they are uncomfortable or overwhelming. You’ll find the truth at the bottom of it.
I don’t know what the result of all this self-examination will be. You may decide that you want to continue your relationship with X, or you may choose to end it. I would, however, suggest that you hold off on the sex until after you’ve made the decision. If the original relationship was “passionate and tumultuous,” the amorous arts might cloud your judgment.
Whatever you decide, I hope it brings you peace.
Dear Oracle,
I recently started hanging out with a new group of friends, who I really like. They’ve all known each other for a while, and I’m the new one. The issue is one woman, “Ursula.” While everyone keeps mentioning how kind and empathetic she is, I kinda get “sociopath” vibes. How should I navigate this?
--Red-flag warning?
Cards for What’s Ursala’s Deal: Seven of Swords (rev.), Full Moon
Cards for what to do: Page of Wands, The Magician (both rev.)
Dear Red,
Once, I met a famous male writer, a self-proclaimed feminist known for his incredibly progressive politics. After talking to him for 30 seconds, I thought: “this motherfucker is going to get #metoo’d.” Three months later, he was.
Some people just give off strong sociopath energy, and it can make you feel crazy if you’re the only one picking up on it. Unlike snap judgments that might come from inherited biases, I think we can trust our gut when someone seems manipulative because they should be appealing to us. Things feel “off” when they seem insincere.
You’re right to be wary of Ursula. With that reversed Seven of Swords, I think there’s some deception going on, and with that Full Moon, you’re seeing that clearly. The deception might be benign (maybe she just likes to exaggerate stories) or dangerous (maybe she’ll steal your #SSN.) You don’t know yet, so you’ll proceed with caution.
For how to act, we have The Magician and The Page of Wands, who look like mirror images in my deck. You need to be The Magician, the one in control of themselves and observer of all elements, but you need to present yourself as the more naïve Page of Wands.
When dealing with a potential psycho, it’s a good practice to let them think you’re dumb because then they won’t try very hard to hide their manipulation. You’ll learn quickly what you’re dealing with.
I would not tell Ursula any particularly private information—or the others, until you know the dynamics of the friend group better. Information may get back to her through gossip or casual talk. This doesn’t mean you can’t be your shining self with these new friends, but take your time to build trust. Observe the group more before confiding in anyone in particular.
If it’s a close group of long-term friends and you’re the new kid, it’ll be a tightrope to walk.
Hopefully, you’ll be able to forge relationships with the other people in the group and have a pleasant (yet distant) relationship with Ursula. But, if group dynamics seem fragile, maybe try for a few one-on-one friendships instead of the whole posse.
Remember: you have your own power, Magician. Don’t let anyone take that from you.
