Let’s talk about dicks. Not people named Dick, although I don’t know why anyone would call himself “Dick” in the U.S. today. Such a name in modern times is a set up to snicker behind Dick’s back. Those who call themselves “they,” in the singular, most likely would never choose such a name. It’s simply too defining. My apologies to anyone called Dick. This is not personal.
Hardly anyone refers to penises as cocks. It seems to be a slang term primarily reserved for pornography. That is not to say that all people who refer to the male phallus as a cock are referring to pornographic terms; the statement is merely a generalization based on observation. According to the thesaurus of American slang, other words for male genitalia include member, weenie, pee-pee, wang, dong, and pecker. Peter, shaft, prick, and putz, to name but a few. The last two words tend to be used to describe a type of person and not a penis, and no one says, “That guy is such a shaft.” The name Peter still remains in the clear for the most part, unless, of course, one knows a particular person named Peter and he appears to be aptly named. Even then, such a person would most likely just be called a dick. When referring to an objectionable character, peckerhead is the appropriate slang. No one is just a pecker… but I digress.
Unaddressed social norms specific to penis people abound. Let’s discuss a couple of them.
Penis People Problems
Face it, girls, men are more aware of their dicks than they are of you. Maybe that’s too broad a statement; however, if dick owners could be honest about the behavioral instructions generated from their dicks, they would all agree. This fact is not really a problem. It is just a reality. Let’s present examples. A man sees someone he is attracted to, and his dick is the first responder. Well, so what, one might ask. Does admitting this matter? Only to those who must deal with the dick’s behavior from that point forward.
The types of penisless people come in two varieties: those that have them removed and those who simply do not have one and never will. You either have a dick or you don’t. Women who discover that it is the dick that initially notices them often end up offended and eventually find the male gender generally inferior for this reason alone.
On the other hand, many men with penises are either unaware that every other man has a dick that responds the same way or simply won’t admit it. Be it lack of awareness or denial, it’s the initial dick response that causes fights more often than not, and the poor dick owners don’t even know their dicks are fighting, not them. What can be done about all of this? Ignore it as much as possible unless it becomes a problem.
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Dick Decisions
If only penises could reason, but alas, the invention of viagra has dragged out the timeframe of such a form of social evolution. It took years to enact legislation to bring forth an era of enforced gender equality. For a brief time, penis owners had no choice but to make decisions within the rules and ignore the demands of their dicks, lest there be legal consequences; then along came the little blue pill to restore dick control to the generation that just so happens to be in charge of the world. Look at the American leaders entirely discredited due to dick decisions, and then look at how their dick decisions changed social reality. Bill Clinton standardized the blowjob as ‘not sexual relations.’ No one wants to admit it, but his wife lost her election because she was not the woman caught fellating the president. Had it been her, no one would blink twice. The first lady’s failure to do her wifely duty definitely blows a hole in the “no bad press” theory. Sorry Hillary.
Flash forward to now. What happened to Trump’s hush money scandal? This dick decision went to trial and set another precedent. The woman who received the money plea bargained taxes for testimony.
In such cases, the media exposes the woman’s identity and attempts to portray her as a victim of a powerful man. Meanwhile, an unspoken social reality remains constant. The woman is perceived as a whore, a slut, a shameless guttersnipe. Whatever the slanderous title, it becomes equated with her name. Look at Monica Lewinski. How about Stormy Weather? Her true identity may be concealed, but she certainly does not want to get audited now.
Exposure to sexual misconduct inevitably leads to conspiracies that divert attention from the responsibility of the dick owner. These “dickspiracies” establish that it is the dick itself that is responsible for the impropriety. The owner simply didn’t control it. The rise or fall of empires depends upon ethical dicks. Perhaps we should all be grateful that there is no such surgery as an addadicktome. Yet.
This article appears in Feb 14-27, 2025.