GOP Hates Bevin, But Goforth is Toadeater

I’ve been thinking.

Oh, bollocks. Here we go again. What now?

Who’s the worst Brit in America?

What a tortured world you must live in. However, the answer should be obvious to someone who spends as much time staring into the mirror as you do. What got your half-dozen grey cells pondering such important questions?

I just saw that Seb Gorka character on the telly at CPAC, and he seems completely unbelievable. No Brit is really that much of a wanker in real life. Writers need to stop giving comic villains British accents. It’s so hackneyed.

I hate to break it to you, mate, but he’s real.

You’re pulling my pisser? Come off it… he’s not real. He’s a warm-up act, a sidekick, like Steve the security guard off “The Jerry Springer Show.”

Very real, and very awful. Although maybe Stuart Varney off Fox Business challenges him as worst Briton in America. No, on second thought, Gorka wins it by a head. A fucking huge, ugly west London head.

Is he worse than James Corden too? That pants sing-along in his motor needs to be exterminated, with extreme Dalek prejudice. Which, on reflection, makes me think Doctor Who is in fact my worst Briton, partly because the show has been utter shite my entire life, and its enduring appeal here is more embarrassing than Brexit, but also because only people with the mental age of a CPAC attendee are entertained by it. Know of anyone who’s a fan?

You like watching golf don’t you? So don’t get fucking lippy, Chippy — you have no credibility. You lost this round by a knockout. Just like Bevin did with his chum’s salary. Imagine that, being a sitting governor and losing a vote 94-0 in a House in which your own party has 61 seats. Of course, the man has no shame, so it won’t bother him in the slightest. But damn. 94-0. That’s a cricket score.

That’s the first time you’ve ever said anything remotely positive about the greatest sport on Earth.

And it reinforces the point I made recently about Bevin: If we’re going to have to have a GOP governor, at least let’s have one whose arrogance and offensiveness, specifically to his own party, renders him almost completely impotent.

The Frankfort GOP will all vote for him, but I wonder how many will campaign for him. Not many I’d wager. It’s a pity that Robert Goforth is also such a Trump toad-eater… and far more bonkers about it. I’d hoped we might get a reasonably entertaining punch-up.

It’s going to be an entertaining scrap when “In God We Trust” ends up not in schools but in the Supreme Court, where it’ll lose as per multiple precedents, even with a lunatic majority at court.

I’ve already told my son he doesn’t have to give two shits about saying it, and they can’t do anything to punish him.

Not that being your son isn’t punishment enough, but I’d be careful advising any child of mine to speak his mind in a backwoods state composed of heavily-armed, poorly-educated colonists. And especially with this whole permit-less concealed-carry bill the House just sent to Bevin. I hope your boy’s as good at dodging bullets as you are at dodging work.

I would say that he won’t get shot in school, but that would be ridiculous. He’ll be careful. But it’s still remarkable that Bevin’s such a boorish character that even the Kentucky GOP can’t stomach him. That’s some sort of milestone. Even Roy Moore wasn’t friendless in the GOP.

It seems like the Kentucky GOP can’t stand the sight of him -— which works for them while they take a wrecking ball to just about everything else that sensible people hold dear. Forcing schools to post bullshit about the Bible is the least of it. Kentucky is in the midst of state capture, and nobody even realises it.

State capture is a big deal, but it’s also completely underappreciated. So why do you say that?

A shed-load of bills designed to exert greater control over state financial assets like pension funds, at the same time forcing people into servitude in exchange for being kept alive and simultaneously making it harder for anything to be investigated? Stalin would recognise what’s going on here. It’s a shame hardly anyone else does.

And, on the face of it, all getting done despite Bevin and not because of Bevin. Or, so we’re being led to believe. But maybe Bevin is party to the whole caper, distracting everyone else while Frankfort does the real damage.

If Bevin isn’t in on it I’m getting drafted into the NBA. I mean, how else is he going to hide his bent Braidy boondoggle from ProPublica?

Not that we’re conspiracy theorists or anything, but that’s not an unreasonable position. Anyway, changing victims as we enter the home stretch, it’s been a bad week for America’s Dear Leader. He’ll be fortunate not to get indicted.

If he can be. And before you explode I’m taking the piss. Of course he can be.

If I see one more talking head ask if he can be indicted, I’ll scream. Ask the question the other way around: Should a president be immune from prosecution? Of course not. Ergo, he can be indicted. Just like his china plate Bibi.

I thought Cohen was pretty convincing, even if his contrition was more about the reality of doing three years of bird rather than succumbing to remorse. If he hadn’t fallen out with Trump, he’d still be in the Mafia playing the orange gangster’s moll.

It’s wild how even NPR casually refers to Cohen as Trump’s “fixer” — as if it’s a totally normal job a subordinate of the president would have. For me, having a fixer on the payroll might be something of an insight into a person’s suitability for the presidency.

Just like anyone who sits around thinking who the worst Brit in America is for me. •

This article appears in March 6, 2019.