Fredo’s, Bevin’s Weak E. KY Rally Gives Hope

Not you again? I thought we got the boot from this gig?

What gibberish are you talking now? Have you finally decided to start drinking?

Are you telling me that Yarmuth asked someone to fill our space — someone who then took the opportunity to write reasoned and fair commentary? I read it, just assumed Yarmuth had seen sense and sacked you. [Ed. note: The column by Perry Bacon Jr. will not replace the Two Brits’ but certainly will eclipse it.]

It was outrageous, I agree. Perhaps there is a place for fair and reasoned comment, even in the pages of LEO, but this column isn’t that place. While we’re on the subject though, it’s important to repeat that Daniel Cameron’s a lobbyist, not a practicing lawyer, has presented absolutely no evidence that he’s ever actually won anything on behalf of a client and spreads — then bravely deletes — malicious lies about his political opponents, to whit, liberals. But I’m bored of talking about him now.

Not half as bored as I am of hearing your opinion about him. Give it a rest, will you?

I just think that it would be a good idea for Kentucky to avoid electing a McConnell and Big Crowd Bevin toadeater for attorney general.

Give Bevin his dues, sunshine. Politics needs moments of comic relief, and Bevin’s intimate gathering in Pikeville provided it in spades. Bevin must’ve been absolutely fucking apoplectic with rage. What I’d have given to see him offstage giving his aides a bollocking while Trump Jr. washed down a box of crayons with an Ale-8.

No doubt, but on top of the cringe-worthy embarrassment of the rally itself, Big Crowd Bevin probably thinks that moment of unintentional comedy screwed the pooch with old Pumpkinhead himself. And he’s right, it has. Fredo might be his third-favourite son, not including bastards, but Trump isn’t going to take kindly to anyone humiliating his own family. If you can’t imagine Trump being equally incandescent at Big Crowd Bevin for that farce then you don’t have much imagination.

You could tell how miffed he was with his display of utter petulance at the presser the day after, if you can call it that. What a pathetic man-child, perfectly in keeping with the GOP. All of them tough nuts until something they don’t like happens, and they cry like you do when you’re asked to do some work.

Thank God that almost never happens. But McConnell and Bevin’ll both win re-election, won’t they?

Of course. Internal polling be damned, because owning the libs is worth dying for. That said, part of me is wondering if the miners, however few of them are left, are finally starting to see through McConnell. Amy McGrath might have set a new low in shit campaign launches, but her black lung ad is devastating, maybe as damaging as McConnell’s ’84 hit job on Huddleston.

It’ll be interesting if McGrath lets whoever wins the primary adapt and use it, assuming it’s not her, because “McConnell doesn’t give a shit for you” is a good-and-true message that needs to be hammered home. It’s a good litmus test of what she’s in it for.

Despite the potential power of that ad, I’m still a long way from convinced that she’s a good candidate. Using a fighter jet in her logo to game the unwashed-masses vote speaks volumes for her integrity and progressive chops. Still, just to contradict myself, Mitch appears as beatable as he’s ever been.

So, by your estimation totally unbeatable then?

Not quite. I’d take Adkins myself. He’s got a stronger name in places Democrats need to win; he’s a legit man of the people, not married to a lifelong Republican, that sort of thing. His pro-life blather is less potent in the Senate, I reckon, so not so much of an issue for people who opposed him in the governor primary on that basis. He might win himself a handful of GOP voters, and he doesn’t have to win over any Democrats.

Plus it sort of nullifies the baby-killer line of attack, which is the only string on Kentucky Republicans’ bow. A notable win for Big Crowd Bevin and loss for Beshear in the Kentucky Supreme Court last week though.

A bullshit win more like. So Bevin can spend hundreds of thousands on an Indiana firm to mug off Beshear’s old man, but Beshear can’t hire out-of-state lawyers to litigate the opioid epidemic? Yeah, that’s going to play really well with the punters. Bevin’s even more stupid than he’s spent the last four years pretending to be if he thinks that’s something to crow about.

I love how we call it an “epidemic” when it’s white drug users. Like crack was definitely the fault of urban black communities, but heroin is an unfortunate, rural accident. But Big Crowd Bevin has to cling to all victories because he’s hanging on by the skin of his Hampsteads. The wheels aren’t quite off, but they’re definitely wobbling. Braidy Industries looks like it’s going to go tits up ­— not a single job created, a Foxconn for Kentucky — and once they follow the dosh going to hedge funds and private equity all the way to its nasty conclusion the gyp over his manor house is going to look like a walk in the park. But what do I know?

As any regular reader of this column will know, the answer to that is “fuck all.” Come on, take that indignant look off your boat race, I was joking. We don’t have any regular readers.

Whatever happens in November, at least we can look forward to the Ark Encounter closing its doors for all eternity thanks to its ungodly habit of bilking the locals and the Board of Education.

Alleged bilking, alleged. But it’s a rich irony that it should be the Board of Education that files suit, since any kid visiting the Ark Encounter will learn even less than they would from reading this column.

Meh. Discovery is going to be fun, though. Plus, it’s going to prove that there’s no way that dump is worth $130 million.

So the Ark will face bankruptcy disgrace or abject humiliation? Now that sounds even better than getting sacked from this gig. •

This article appears in September 4, 2019.