I was rolling coins the other day. Its tough to admit, but I was short on money, so I rooted through the junk drawer, from which emerged the rolls, flattened with their greens and oranges and blues studding all the brown-bag brown wrapped in rubber bands. I sat cross-legged on the hardwood floor of my kitchen, plopped a pointer finger in one end and started filling up, fantasizing about how much Id come away with $10, $20, $50?
Boy, thatd really help about now.
My crisis is long-term: Im in debt. Its serious. I went a little crazy with a credit card, and I own a house, a car for which Im still paying and a list of consumptive habits. I drive everywhere I go. The A/C in my house runs full-tilt, even when its 70 degrees outside. I throw away food routinely because I like to know the fridge is full, and on the chance I eat at home five nights some week, I want to be ready.
Theres no reason for the TV not to be on regardless of whether Im watching it. I like to think someones there with me even when Im alone, even if its Howie Mandel pressuring some dolt to deny himself a haul of free money on the off chance he might, against mighty odds, have the option to take home even more. Its the same way it makes me comfortable to have lights on in every room, just in case I need to go in there for some reason. Can you imagine walking into a pitch-black room and trying to find the light? I mean, if you can avoid that, why not?
I have a decent job, as you know, but this business doesnt pay enough to keep up. Im only a month behind on my utility bill right now, which isnt bad. And I have a credit card specifically for gas, which is, like, $75 a week. And I live in town! And I dont drive an SUV! Can you imagine? These oil companies, they really need to get with it and help us out.
Oh, that reminds me: I got this e-mail recently from a candidate for Congress named Anne Northrup. Or Northup. I cant remember. Anyway, she says to sign up on this website to tell Congress to lower gas prices. I had to steal my neighbors wireless to get online cause the cable company shut mine off for not paying, but I dialed in the other night and signed up, because that seems really sensible. I mean, if I was only paying $25 a week for gas, for example, I could probably get the Internet back. Or maybe some new shoes. Those oil companies, on the other hand, can afford whatever they need like, say, politicians.
So Northup is all about drilling for oil somewhere in or near America, which Im cool with because I need some relief at the pump just like you, and Ill believe whatever Im told on that front because its just too complicated otherwise. She says the Democrats dont want to do it, and that petition I signed is supposed to help pressure them to let Congress vote on whether to drill for more oil in America.
Then I got another e-mail from Northup about how Democrats are saying now theyre going to bring a vote on it, so it seems like Northups petition worked! Ive never felt so, like, whats the word? Involved. But when I got to the bottom of Northups e-mail, I was confused again: Shes criticizing Democrats for changing their position, even though thats what she and me and apparently a bunch of Republicans were asking for. Maybe Im naïve, but if shes getting what she wanted, why is she still complaining?
Thats why I really hate politics. Thank God we dont have to vote or whatever.
Getting back, youll be happy to know I rolled up $62 in change. Thats pretty awesome because itll pay for a full tank of gas and probably dinner one night. My parents say I should pay off some of my debt, but seriously: How can you do that and keep going forward? And, more importantly, why?
If I have to roll change here and there, so be it. Same with the oil companies: If they need to drill so politicians like Northup dont have to ask me to change anything about my life right now, let em. We have to prioritize here.