Primaries over, now we can look forward to Novembers blue wave!
Blue wave, you say? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Whats the matter with y…
Blue wave ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Look, I know turnout wasnt…
Blue wave he says ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Stop it, Ill piss myself.
Get a grip, whats the matter with you? Im sure that come the election proper voters will…
Blue wave ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha… OK, OK… let me breathe for a second… OK, I know youre trying to be serious and philosophical and not an idiot and all that, but fuck me, thats hilarious.
Do I assume youre sceptical?
Yes, Hercule, you could say that. Look, youve got to understand that Trump is winning. Not in the sense that he thinks he is, but in the sense that hes exhausted all opposition. He wont get kicked out, and he wont get voted out. If Im a Republican, Im feeling pretty good about life right now. If they hang onto the House, which more than likely they will, hes in the clear.
I still think that come November Democrats are infinitely more enthusiastic.
Democrats? Enthusiastic? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Start that up again and Ill crack that bald egg of yours. You know we dont get paid by the word.
Mate, youre just repeating what you want to hear, which, in a sense, makes you no better than them. This recent pathetic turnout has cleared my mind. Like most people did before the last general election including us, if I remember correctly we reckoned Trump would get mullered. But it turns out hes like a Richard that wont flush. He wont go away.
But Muellers investi…
Do me a lemon. Shut up about Mueller. His work might lead to a few minor henchmen getting in a spot of bovver, but Trumps not going down unless Congress agrees to it… and theres not a cat-in-hells chance of that. The Constitution and, Jesus, what a naively-stupid idea a written constitution is didnt anticipate that every branch of the government might be headed by crooks and incompetents; and until now it hasnt. But now it is, so were fucked.
On reflection perhaps you could start laughing uncontrollably again? Please?
Meanwhile, what passes for leadership among Democrats sits around wringing its hands over not sounding too angry, fusses over what Tom Perez is up to and gives that pain-in-the-arse-ersatz-socialist Bernie Sanders way too much airtime. In the face of so much to be angry about, they dont want to sound angry? ICE is committing crimes against humanity, and theyre worried about sounding angry? What the buggering bollocks is wrong with them? Simultaneously Republicans have faked anger for years over made-up shit and there they are, rewarded with complete control. I believe in a lot of the stuff that Democrats claim to stand for, but fuck me, I dont half-loathe their reality sometimes.
So what if your political predictions maintain the form theyve shown over, say, the last three years and turn out to be shite?
Then, in this instance Ill be delighted. Im not completely convinced, of course. Call this my emotional hedge, and now that we can bet legally in this country, I might go and place a few quid on Trump 2020. The bilious disgust Ill feel if he wins will at least be partially offset by an increase in the amount of wedge in my bank account.
No sports or politics gambling here, old boy. Matt Bevin will see to it that Kentuckians remain pure in thought and deed, unsullied by godless vices like tobacco, alcohol or horse racing.
Yeah right, and dont forget church bingo on Friday night. Or go and see Jordan Peterson desecrate the Louisville Palace.
Thats a no from me. I dont know that much about him other than that hes a hero to people who live in their basements. But I do know that when your fans spend most of the time explaining why youre not a fascist, youre probably a fascist.
Insight gained from years of being accurately called a wanker, no doubt. But youre probably right, if it looks and sounds like a fascist, it probably is one. Youre off on hols next week, arent you?
Indeedy. Off to the Boundary Waters in Minnesota.
Whitest holiday ever. Try not to get eaten by a bear.
This article appears in May 30, 2018.