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Dear Minda,
Does it even make sense to ask a woman out, or does ones path simply lead a gentleman to the lady he is to be with? Furthermore, is it realistic to go into a relationship with a Power Couple mindset or do you think it puts too much pressure on the relationship itself?
Power Ranger of Love
Hey PRL,
I have a friend in town right now as Im answering your question. I read it aloud to her. Her response? I think hes overthinking the fuck out of this. She advises that you ask out the interest of your desires, and if shes down, shes down, and if shes not, shes not.
Boom. (She added that boom.)
I mean you could totally wait around for the future love of your life to float past you like flotsam on the Ohio River. Lots of people have found love this way, but just as many successful people have been proactive about finding a partner. I think that youve just got to listen to whats on your spirit and go with that. I dont really have it in me right now to do any online dating, so Ive been focusing my energies elsewhere. This led me to have a delightfully romantic date with a young man on my trip to Brooklyn Hey, Max!
Other times in my life, Ive been all about intentional dating, and there was a strong urge driving me to do so. So, you just have to sit still with yourself and go about the technique thats right for you at the moment.
Now, lets take on that Power Couple part of your question. I think we all know what sounds nice in a relationship. Barack and Michelle are my relationship goals, too. But I think you can get too caught up with what I call Paper Doll Relationships. You spend all this time trying to find someone who looks good on paper, but then they turn out to be a not-so-great person with lots of great credentials. Im way more intrigued by someone whom Id never expect to be with, but also has all the makings of an amazing person.
I was in Memphis last week at a literary festival. I made a new friend from Birmingham Hey, Whitney! We were talking about relationships and what we wanted in people. She said she wanted someone who made her world larger. That felt really profound to me. Like, why does being in a relationship have to be seen as settling down or mean your life gets mundane? I want an adventure partner. Someone to experience new things with, someone who supports and encourages me to be the best version of myself, who opens my eyes to new things. And if that person comes packaged in a suit and tie so be it, but Id accept the person into my heart in flip-flops and a tee.
When people hold firm to their dating criteria, it usually just means you arent feeling a person enough to compromise on what you think you want. Ive mentioned more than once Ive dated three car-less, homeless, jobless rappers. I compromised a lot because I was just really into those dudes. Yet, Ive turned other guys down in two seconds flat for being too young, or because we were rocking in wildly different income brackets, or I hated their sense of style. When you click with someone, none of that superficial shit matters at all. You cant help but be drawn to them like a plant tilting toward the sunlight. Thats just how it is.
So, if youre making a lot of excuses in your head for why you shouldnt be with someone but none of those reasons are things that put your safety in jeopardy or breaks any laws, its probably just that youre not really trying to be with that person. I feel like a lot of men who dont date women are totally ignorant of this. They spend all this time trying to convince us why were wrong about what we want when really its basically that we dont want you and are just trying to be polite. So, accept the no and keep it moving.
Disagree with me? Email me your side of things at askmindahoney@leoweekly.com or hit me up on my Facebook page.
This article appears in June 27, 2018.