Ask Minda Honey: Sex in the city... finally

May 2, 2018 at 10:08 am
Ask Minda Honey

In a relationship or life jam? Lemme unstuck your life — send your questions to: [email protected] or reach out to me on

Hey y’all, I’m fresh out of questions. Send Me Some. While I wait for that to happen, I thought I’d catch you readers up on what I’ve been doing with my life lately: Watching “Sex & the City” for the first time, at 33, as a relationship advice columnist for a weekly newspaper while sauntering around the city fabulously dressed. Of course, I’m 10 years late on this, but there’s something to be said for watching this famous foursome when you’re at the same age they are. So, here are my hot-takes (cold takes…? Stale takes…? Whatever). Bon apétit!

On Mr. Big

I don’t at all see the appeal of Mr. Big, but I can totally relate about being completely, totally and deeply into someone whom no one else finds appealing. I can for sure relate to letting the saga of that situationship dominate years of your life.

On Aidan

The professional advice giver in me understands that if you’re not in love with someone, you’re just not in love with someone. But viewer, wading through the brackish Louisville dating pool me, is like WTF, How Can You Possibly Not Love Aiden? Not only did she not love Aiden, but she still trashed that dude’s heart even as he went and got hotter.

On Carrie’s Season Four Fashion

Outlandishly large flowers: No. Newsboy caps, pinstripes and suspenders? No. Oversized nonsense wear? No. I am so glad Carrie’s fashion got back on track the following season.

On The Show’s Many Failings Of The LGBT Community

Sigh. Where do I even begin. Any character who wasn’t straight, white and cis on this show was treated like a stereotype 99.9 percent of the time. The bitchy gay guy, the gay best friend and so much about gay culture being about sex and vanity. This is New York City. They could have totally done better by the gay community.

On The Show’s Transphobia

I know I already covered LGBT, but this needed a section of its own. There were so many hateful jokes made at the expense of black trans women. It’s not OK, and, honestly, at least one episode should be aired with a content warning of some sort. I can’t imagine any trans woman, particularly young black trans women, having to watch a subplot based around Sam demeaning black trans women. Janet Mock stated in an essay that 50 percent of black trans women have worked as sex workers — that episode is particularly harmful.

Lol @ Miranda Freaking About Moving To Brooklyn

Bet she’s glad about it now. Hopped on that gentrification tip early.

On How So Many Of My Thoughts Are So Unoriginal!

I just feel like so many of the interactions these women had, and the dating and love observations that were made, are things my friends and I said and went through in our 20s. I avoided watching this show for the longest time because I missed it when it first aired and just wasn’t a big TV watcher, but, then, I didn’t want it influencing my writing. Now, I am glad I watched it so I know what terrain has already been covered, and I don’t inadvertently come across like I’m plagiarizing Carrie Bradshaw!

On Carrie’s Blaccent


On Sam’s Fro

Even more shameful.

On Any Plot And Dialogue That Involved A White Woman Dating A Black Guy

The black doctor asking Miranda if she likes chocolate right before kissing her? Cringe. Sam having a showdown with her black boyfriend’s sister in a hip-hop club? Double cringe.

On The Show’s Addiction Redemption

So, in an earlier season, Carrie dates a guy who’s in AA. It’s kind of played for laughs. The episode ends with him relapsing and stripping naked in the street calling her name. But, then, in a later season, Sam date’s a younger man who is sober and also in AA. He’s able to use his AA wisdom to help Sam find growth and, because of his own struggles with addiction, have compassion for Sam when she blows him off to sleep with her ex. I think the show should have spent more time unpacking that moment he consoles her and the sorrow she experiences because she succumbed to self-destructive behavior.

On Which Character I’m Most Like

My friends like to call me Louisville’s Carrie Bradshaw, but I identify way more with Miranda and Sam. Their work ethic, their rigidness, their reluctance to give men emotional leverage in their life. It’s all me. But I don’t get as… creative… as Sam in the bedroom, but I’m all about that no kid life. •