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Kevin Jenkins, a scrawny 24-year-old local DJ known as DJ Superbad, almost got into the first fight of his life on Friday. Almost …

As Jenkins entered Germantown hipster hangout Zanzabar around 11:30 p.m., after an evening of hanging out at Germantown hipster hangout Nachbar with his closest friends (two baristas with master’s degrees in sociology and poetry, respectively; a guy who works for his father’s insurance company even though it’s totally stupid and not as cool as working at WHY Louisville; and a Trader Joe’s assistant manager with a handlebar moustache that looks really great and not like he’s trying too hard at all), Jenkins was shocked to discover a band was still onstage, playing live music with their instruments, and cutting into his DJ slot.

Local psychedelic synth-rockers Sabbath Sandwich seemed committed to their extended musical presentation, though their faces hardly relayed any excitement or emotion about playing to a crowd who had been turned on to their underground, non-commercial music by a blogger/Gap sales clerk.

Preferring to avoid direct confrontation (which was wise), DJ Superbad stood near the bar, complaining loudly to his equally emaciated DJ partner, Seth Dirksen, aka DJ Smokez, until Sabbath Sandwich’s drummer’s girlfriend, drunk on Red Bull and Maker’s, told him she would “kick his skinny jeans-wearing ass” because she was “real Germantown.”

Jenkins then retreated to a corner where he relayed details about the terrifying exchange to his Facebook friends, who assured him that live bands are awful and that people from poor backgrounds should be ignored.

*This story is part of LEO’s Fake Issue.

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