Tuesday Tracklist: Holiday Edition (Part 1) — The Ramones, Joe Pesci, Plague IX, Eazy-E, And More (12/12)

In this weekly feature, a different LEO staff member will share 7-10 of the songs they’ve got on repeat right now. (Songs by Louisville artists are marked with an asterisk.) Got a track that you think we’d like? Let us know at leo@leoweekly.com or at the author’s email below. You can also keep up with our Tuesday Tracklist and Listen Local picks on our Spotify.

Andy Williams, Michael Bublé, Mariah Carey, and all of that other popular holiday dreck — you’ve heard it all a million times before. It’s boring. I love holiday music, just not that holiday music. So years back I began compiling holiday songs I like — a few serious tunes, but mostly tongue-in-cheek, goofy shit — and I’m always finding and adding more every year. At this point, my holiday playlist is over 50 songs, so I’ve narrowed it down to the cream of the crop for you. Why not take a little time this season to dive down the weird and wonderful rabbit hole that is part one of my holiday playlist? Part two coming next week!

Eazy-E – “Merry Muthafuckin’ Xmas“

Yes, Eazy-E did a Christmas song. Yes, it’s every bit as batshit insane as you’d imagine. It starts off with Rudy Ray Moore as Dolemite reading a story about “the badass Eazy-E,” who was “drinking whisky and gin at the age of three,” then cuts to a drive-by on carolers — and that’s just the first minute. The next five minutes see Eazy and various Ruthless Records labelmates taking turns spitting ridiculous NSFW rhymes over a medley of various traditional holiday melodies. To make things even stranger, this track features the very first appearances of future Black Eyed Peas members will.i.am and apl.de.ap, then known as the Atban Klann. You owe it to yourself to listen to this at least once in your life.

Cheech & Chong – “Santa Claus and His Old Lady“

You know it, you love it, and the holidays wouldn’t be complete without it. Released in 1971 just months after their self-titled debut album, Cheech’s telling of the story of “the vato with the bony knees” to Chong, who mistakes Santa for a musician, is timeless. Plus, the backing tune is incredibly funky and jazzy. Obviously, Santa uses “magic dust” to get the reindeer to fly, but who knew he called out “On Donner! On Blitzen! On Chewy! On Tavo! C’mon, Becto”?

Pansy Division – “Homo Christmas“ I refuse to acknowledge the holiday season until I hear this song, simple as that. The first all-openly gay punk band, Pansy Division lays sexually charged, humorous lyrics over a catchy pop punk tune for a timeless Christmas classic. In a fair and just world, the line “Licking nipples, licking nuts / Putting candy canes up each other’s butts” alone should’ve ensured that this song was in yearly heavy rotation during Mix 106.9’s holiday music takeover.

Joe Pesci – “If It Doesn’t Snow for Christmas“

Yep, that Joe Pesci! Performed as his character Vincent LaGuardia Gambini from the movie My Cousin Vinny, Pesci asks the hard questions we’re all wondering this time of year, like: “If it doesn’t snow on Christmas, how’s fatass gonna use that sleigh?” If you can get past the body-shaming used for comedic effect, what you get is a Joe Pesci being Joe Pesci in a corny novelty Christmas song that’s basically an excuse for him to say “fuck” numerous times over a cheery, upbeat, jazzy holiday melody.

Twiztid – “Waiting on Christmas Gifts“

Don’t judge me! Yes, they’re protégés of Insane Clown Posse. Yes, ICP is on this track (but only as backup on the chorus). It’s Christmastime, for fuck’s sake; give this a chance. They took the instrumental track to Snoop Dogg’s “Gin and Juice” and laid down rhymes about getting high with Santa over it, and it’s fucking hilarious! Unfortunately, the version on Spotify doesn’t have the intro featuring the two guys in Twiztid as their “Big Money Hustlas” characters, Big Stank and Lil Poot, which is actually funnier than the song. Thankfully, the YouTube version, “A Very Twiztid Christmas,” has it, so that’s the one you need to hear.

Snap-Her – “I Hate Christmas“

Mid-90’s all-female punk trio Snap-Her really hates Christmas, and they let you know all about it in this short burst of old-school punk rock in which they threaten to “piss on the goddamn tree.” Obviously a Christmas classic for the whole family.

Eric Idle – “Fuck Christmas“

If you’ve ever worked retail during the holiday season, you feel this song in your soul!

Plague IX – “Two Christmases” *

In case you missed my review of this track in last week’s LEO, it’s back! My newest add to my ever-growing holiday tracklist, “Two Christmases” is a positive spin on divorce from a kid’s point of view. I said in my review that this track sounds like Sex Pistols playing an MC5 cover of a Chuck Berry song, and I stand by that. Just a fun punk rock ‘n’ roll tune that’ll have you shouting along “Fuck yeah! Two Christmases!”

Bob & Doug McKenzie – “The Twelve Days of Christmas“

I have an Elsinore Brewery label t-shirt that I wear often, and 99% of the people just walk right by me. To think, there are people out there who have never seen the movie “Strange Brew” or watched the skit-comedy show “SCTV” and have no idea who Bob & Doug McKenzie are. If you call them a “hoser,” or tell them to “take off, eh,” they just look at you strangely. This song is not for them; they probably don’t even own a toque. No, this song is for all us hoseheads. And I just realized that “Strange Brew” turned 40 years old this year and now I’m depressed.

The Ramones – “Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight)”

Far from one of the Ramones’ best songs. Honestly, it really isn’t even good. It’s overproduced, yet flat-sounding, with annoying backing keyboards that serve no reason other than to make it sound like 80’s pop. The band sounds bored and completely uninterested here, and they make no bones about it. Nonetheless, it’s the Ramones’ only Christmas song, and the Ramones are the greatest band ever, so this has become a holiday staple for me and so many others — not because we like it, but because…well, it’s the fuckin’ Ramones, so that makes this the greatest Christmas song ever…even though it sucks!

And never forget!

This article appears in December 6, 2023.