One cold day last winter, I joined a group of friends at a popular local breakfast spot. I pulled up a chair, said down, reached for a menu, and hey now, whats this? Im stuck to the chair!
Sure enough, I was literally glued in place. It took an actual effort to pull up and break loose from my moorings with an audible pop. On closer inspection, the problem became clear: A previous occupant had left a small pool of pancake syrup pooled on the seat.
Silly me for failing to look before I sat down, but still: GRRR!
I took it upon myself to pull the chair over to a corner. I draped a napkin over the pool and informed a server. She nodded, showed no particular interest, and didn’t offer to have the cleaning bill for my khakis deducted from my tab.
Lesson learned: Look carefully at the chair before you sit down. But it wasnt really the sticky chair that torqued my cheeks. It was the servers ho-hum reaction. Lets be honest: Amid all our pleasure in delicious restaurant meals, memorable dining settings and perfect service, we have to face reality: Not every dining-out experience sparks joy.
A couple of months ago, in an article about the little annoyances that get in the way of the full enjoyment of your restaurant meal, I promised to circle back with some thoughts and stories about restaurant issues that get more serious.
I could devote a full column to food-related annoyances, I wrote. That prompted quite a few of you to get in touch with stories about experiences that went well beyond mere annoyances and actually made you question whether it would be wise to return to that eatery ever again. Wooee! If some of those restaurant walls could talk!
Lets share a few of the best stories and by best, I mean most horrifying today. A couple of caveats: Ill omit the names of the restaurants involved, recognizing that even the best places can have an occasional really bad day. And I wont name my friends who told the stories, freeing them to bring full candor to the table.
It dont get no worse than this
Years ago, a friend went to a local restaurant with a business associate. We ordered the same appetizer. I go home and have a nice relaxing weekend. Then Sunday night happened. Abdominal pain. The next day pain and swelling of my abdomen. By Saturday morning the pain was so strong I took an ambulance ride to my first emergency room visit. I spent six weeks in the hospital, was unable to eat for two months and lost over 60 pounds.. My fellow diner and I were infected with two microbes. My gut never fully recovered.
My response: Food poisoning is one of the worst things that can happen in a restaurant setting. And in my friends case the source appeared obvious. But food poisoning is actually very rare, and its usually impossible to prove a direct, actionable connection between your restaurant dish and your indigestion. Should you seek legal relief if you believe you were poisoned? Thats up to you, but chances. are youll have a lot of pain and little gain.
Nobody goes there anymore because
Another friend told of a long-ago visit to what had been a favorite restaurant.
Late afternoon and they were not busy. We ordered our regular meals.
My starter came out with mold on some of it. I asked for it fixed. The next also had mold. Our entrees came out. Raw and cold in the center. We sent it back, and the following three times, it came out the same way. We left and havent returned in 15 years but did nostalgically mention giving it another shot recently.
My response: I fully understand my friends reluctance to go back. If it were me, even years later Id do a lot of due diligence and crowd-sourcing before trying it again.
At your service Not!
The restaurant was practically empty at when another friend came in for an early dinner at 5:30 p.m. The server was the most pretentious server I’ve ever had. She treated us as if she didn’t think we were good enough to be there. Her body language reeked of superiority. She rolled her eyes at questions about the menu. When we ordered black coffee, no cream or sugar, she conspicuously rolled her eyes again and said, Black coffee means no cream or sugar.’ Her snide, arrogant, impatient approach to us was reflected in a 2% tip with a written explanation.
My response: Im usually an advocate for generous tipping, and until the U.S. somehow finds its way toward a more European system of living wages for professional servers, Ill remain so. But in this case, I approve of my friends response.
Surprise!
This unexpected incident at an out-of-town restaurant ended well, but its probably funnier in the re-telling than it was at the time: My dad ordered a dessert quesadilla, but it somehow got confused with a seafood quesadilla. His order came out covered in chocolate, with whipped cream and a cherry on top. He took a bite assuming it was a dessert, but when he tasted the shrimp, cheese, cilantro, and onion inside he let out a yelp of disgust, confusion, and disappointment that Ive never heard a human being make before or since.
The good news: They replaced it and comped it and everyone laughed. And thats the kind of happy ending we wish all these stories could have.
See ourselves as others see us
Finally, as we enjoy telling scare stories about bad restaurant experiences, consider this advice from a server friend: My absolute worst experience as a guest doesn’t even come close to my many bad experiences as a server. No matter what, the serving side will always have it worse than the patron side.
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This article appears in June 21, 2023.
