A few weeks ago I asked you literary lovelies to submit poems about bourbon for a contest that involved going with me to a Woodford Reserve event hosted by Deion Branch. The winning poems — by Scott Smith and Chelsea Carroll — are below, as are the best of the rest. Thanks for submitting, my fellow Dickinsons.
Bourbon, My Love
Bourbon’s my soulmate
Bourbon’s my love
If I am a cold hand,
Bourbon’s my glove
Keeping me warm
Through the cold and the wind
In bourbon I’ve found
An ally, a friend
Bourbon won’t judge me
Bourbon won’t lie
With help from my bourbon
I’m no longer shy
I’m the life of the party
I’m the Belle of the Ball
When bourbon is with me
I have it all!
Mixed or straight up
I love bourbon whisky
Off of my feet
My sweet bourbon will whisk me!
I turn to my bourbon
When I’m broken and bare
Cause I know that my bourbon
Will always be there
—Chelsea Carroll
A Toast
Basil for the social times
Elijah to relax and recline
Booker’s for some extra bite
Woodford when it’s in my sight
Turkey time to party drink
Parker’s to contemplate and think
At times a Bulleit is what I’ll choose
With Jefferson afternoons I’ll lose
Knob for any of the above
Pappy’s to remember life, death or love
It’s part of who I am and where I’m from
In the good, the bad and all times to come
—Scott Smith
The Runners Up …
Destiny
She needed a date,
But not for a mate.
Deion Branch, the star,
Woodford at the bar.
Love of bourbon our fate!
—Bruce Miller
Half Empty Threat
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Put anything else in that goddamn glass of bourbon and I will END you.
—Scott Smith
Kentucky Haiku
Amber liquid fire
Soothe and heal my tired soul
Warm my frozen heart
—Perry Adanick
Tale of the Cocktail
Surviving Derby is only half the battle. So what do you drink the day after the first Saturday in May? Hungover, shaky and unsure of your whereabouts, most likely you want something that’s gonna revive, refresh and renew. The second annual Tale of the Horse cocktail contest aims to find the perfect hair-of-the-dog drink, and I’m proud to be a judge in the competition once again. Sponsored by MyDerbyLove.com, the event goes down Monday, April 15, at Varanese (2106 Frankfort Ave.) at 5:30 p.m. You’re welcome to stop by and watch area bartenders compete for cash prizes.
Derby entertaining class
Having guests in for Derby but only know how to pour a stiff bourbon & ginger? The Moonshine University at the Distilled Spirits Epicenter (801 S. Eighth St.) is conducting a class on Derby entertaining — which will teach you the history and recipe behind most classic bourbon drinks — on Saturday, April 13, from 3-5 p.m. Cost is $29, so check out moonshineuniversity.com if you’re interested.
Drunk Texts of the Week
• Im suing Pitino for emotional damages
• Let me swallow before I do Sally Field
• Be sure to poop before you head over
• You dont bring me blumpkins anymore
Send your drunk texts to [email protected]. My blog is at barbelle.leoweekly.com. Word.
