In an exclusive interview, LEO Weekly caught up with the veteran brown couch from Southern Indiana’s friendly neighborhood strip club and swamp, the Rustic Frog. The couch is hosting a reading and signing from its latest tell-all, “More Cushion for the Pushin’,” at Carmichael’s Bookstore on Saturday. The first few fans to arrive can cozy up on the infamous couch for the duration of the reading.
LEO: Can you tell me the weirdest thing that’s happened on top of you?
Brown Couch: If I told you, I’d have to kill you. Haha! Only kidding, buddy. I don’t want to spill my secrets, but let’s just say it involved several girls, Harry Potter glasses, the Beatles’ White album, a busload of frat boys, Tang and a Rubik’s Cube. Am I dating myself?
LEO: If I were to pull up your couch cushions, what might I find?
BC: I’d have to get my lawyer involved for obvious reasons. But I’m sure there’s the usual — thongs, handcuffs, dog bones, a few ounces of weed, spare change, Lindsay Lohan’s career, gold teeth, Jimmy Hoffa.
LEO: Will you ever leave the Rustic Frog for a calmer residence, like a doctor’s office or something?
BC: Never. I love this place. I feel as fresh and springy as I did when I started. And the girls, God love ’em, they just keep getting hotter. Sure, I smell like a sweaty ashtray, but who doesn’t? When they grip my cushions and grind on my pillows, I’m as happy as a couch clam.
LEO: You’ve been at the Rustic Frog for more than 10 years. When’s the last time you had your upholstery cleaned?
BC: I’ve been patted down and scrubbed throughout the years. But I value my beer, liquor and Red Bull stains like you humans might your scars — they’re a record of my triumphs. If I weren’t so soft and comfy, I wouldn’t have as many stains as I do, now would I?
*This story is part of LEO’s Fake Issue.
This article appears in June 19, 2012.