Savage Love: Quickies

This is a preview of this week’s Savage Love. The full version is now exclusively available on Dan’s website Savage.Love.

Q: I’m a 40-year-old female, cis-het. I have very discerning tastes in men, and always end up alone. Any way to be more open without sacrificing my standards?

A: You’ve either had a terrible run of bad luck—assuming you’ve dated more than ten men—or you’ve set your standards impossibly high. Some food for thought: perhaps you think you want a long-term relationship because you were told that’s what you’re supposed to want—you were told that’s what all good people want—but you actually don’t want a long-term relationship. They don’t make you happy. But instead of telling yourself that you’re a good person who prefers short-term relationships and/or being alone, you’ve set your standards so high—you’ve dialed them up to sabotage—because you want to be alone. And instead of owning that about yourself, you find fault in the men you date. P.S. There’s no settling down without settling for.

Q: Is there any way to enjoy anal while having a hemorrhoid?

A: Nope, sorry. You need to wait for it to heal.

Q: I’m a 36-year-old man. If I get too psyched out to stay hard for (extremely rare) anal with my wife, should I just get some Viagra?

A: Well, that depends. Does your wife like long anal sex sessions? If the answer to that question is yes, then Viagra could help. Because in addition to helping you get and stay hard, Viagra and other ED meds can delay orgasm. But if your wife doesn’t like long anal sex sessions—if she generally wants you to hurry the fuck up and get the assfucking over with—lasting longer could make those already rare anal sex sessions rarer still. Maybe try a cockring instead?

Q: Tips for helping a penis-haver last longer when penetrating other than cockrings? (Cockrings are great, but they don’t help with longevity.)

A: Cockrings are great; I recommended them to another reader five second ago. But while a snug-but-not-too-tight cockring can help keep a penis-haver’s penis hard by gently restricting blood fl ow out of the penis-haver’s penis, cockrings don’t make penis-havers “last longer,” e.g., they don’t delay ejaculation. (Cockring 101: Gentle restriction is good; trapping blood in the penis is not. Cockrings should be snug, not tight.) If you’ve already tried all the standard-issue advice to treat premature ejaculation (which I’ve covered before and don’t have the space to re-re-re-rehearse in a Quickies column), an ED med like Viagra might help (for the reasons mentioned above); a low-dose SSRI is also an effective treatment for premature ejaculation. P.S. Whenever someone writes “penishaver” my slightly dyslexic brain reads “penis-halver,” as in, someone who cuts a penis in half—which some people in the body modification community have done, and bon(e) appetit to anyone brave enough to do a Google image search.

questions@savagelove.net Listen to Dan on the Savage Lovecast. Follow Dan on Twitter @FakeDanSavage.

This article appears in August 17, 2022.