Election 2016 redo: Morgan Freeman vs. ?Bradley Cooper

So the media narrative of this year’s presidential election is how loathsome the two candidates are. I even heard one pundit say it’s a competition to see who can be less disliked. This week, a Real Clear Politics poll-average has Hillary Clinton beating Donald Trump 56 to 60 in unfavorableness.

Let’s be clear, Clinton and Trump are disliked for different reasons. Clinton’s ratings are the result of decades of attacks against her and President Bill, as well as because of her real shortcomings. Trump’s unfavorable ratings reflect the distaste for his character, and his very un-presidential behavior.

While I support Clinton, I won’t argue with America: We want new candidates! Both bases, from the farthest left — the Bernie Bros — to the farthest right want an outsider, someone to disrupt the system.

Who, you ask?

Here are some outsiders who could bring order to this year’s mayhem and give Democrats and Republicans someone to vote for, not against.

Actors: Democrats should consider Morgan Freeman. He’s already been president and God, he hosted “Through the Wormhole” and has a deep understanding of science. Plus, every State of the Union would be the most epic speech. Matthew McConaughey would be an ideal VP … right on.

Republicans should look to Bradley Cooper. No idea if he is a Republican, but that doesn’t seem to bother them (See Donald J. Trump). He has a tremendous military background and respect for the armed forces after playing a Navy Seal and war hero, Chris Kyle, in “American Sniper.” VP pick … Ron Swanson. Nobody loves America more than Ron Swanson.

Athletes: Dems should hand the ball off to Serena Williams. Serena is the greatest American athlete, with established international relations, and charisma that could even make Sen. Mitch McConnell blush. Her teammate could be Scottie Pippen, who made a Hall-of-Fame career out of being someone’s running mate (Michael Jordan).

For Republicans, the answer is clear: Peyton Manning. He’s not only the epitome of the all-American boy, he is also tremendously savvy with the media. As VP, he should look to Tiger Woods. Tiger, son to a Green Beret, has strong ties to the military and shown success on and off the golf course, and he adds much-needed diversity to the Republican ticket.

Business people: Mr. Facebook himself, Mark Zuckerberg, would make a solid Democratic nominee. He’s been outspoken on important social issues, from LGBTQ fairness to defending Black Lives Matter and racial equality. He comes with eccentricities, but he’s young and been a leader his entire life. VP pick — Tim Cook. Applebook rules the world.

Republicans should court and nominate Charles and David Koch (let them decide which one is the other’s VP). I’ve criticized the billionaire brothers for the hundreds of millions of dollars they’ve spent supporting Republican candidates in the past. That said, they’ve spent fortunes on philanthropic endeavors, they’ve also (reportedly) lobbied against special-interest politics and for criminal-justice reform. Their business backgrounds would be irresistible to the base, as well as would be their unwavering support for anti-government freedoms … like the Second Amendment.

National figures: Democrats should turn to someone out of this world as their nominee: Astronaut Scott Kelly. Not only has Kelly represented America on the cosmic stage, he has also been a fierce advocate for gun reform, along with his courageous, heroic wife, Gabby Giffords, who was the victim of gun violence while serving in the U.S. House of Representatives. Scott’s VP could be Tony Dungy. Outside of a Hall of Fame career for coaching in the NFL, whenever there is a crisis, he is brought in as the voice of reason and served as mentor to countless young NFL players.

The final stand for the Republican ticket, and chance to win in 2016, should go to Tim Tebow. He was an athlete, but now he’s just a really nice guy with good, Christian values. Plus, he puts Florida back in play. He is, constitutionally, too young to serve, but Florida counts in trophies, and Tebow has plenty. His VP choice should be Wayne LaPierre. Why? Because guns equal freedom, and freedom equals America.

That’s why.

This article appears in July 20, 2016.