Oracle Of Ybor: Long-Distance Fuckboy Energy And The Rules Of Cohabitation

LEO is dedicated to bringing you engaging, fun and unique content that crosses many spectrums. From our sister paper in Tampa, Creative Loafing, we’re happy to introduce Oracle of Ybor, written by Caroline DeBruhl. Here you may submit your questions about life and the tarot helps to guide your answers. 

Dear Oracle, 

A few months ago, I went to another state to visit a friend, “M,” and met her friend, “R.” We really hit it off and started talking daily. I’ve gone back to visit J, and it was not exactly smooth. I didn’t know what to make of it when I left, but we still talk all the time, and he tells me he cares about me a lot. “M” has asked him flat out if he wants to date, and he says yes, but he doesn’t want to “fuck it up.” I don’t know what to do. Do we keep working at this, or is it doomed because it’s long distance? 

–Single and trying 

Cards: Seven of Cups, Three of Swords, Ace of Cups, Two of Sword (rev.)

Dear Single,

To get this out of the way: while long distance can be a bummer, plenty of relationships survive it. It’s s not a death blow and, in some ways, can deepen a relationship because you spend so much time just talking.

However, the issues you’re describing don’t actually have to do with the distance. I don’t know R, but I have a witchy feeling that he would still have a fear of “fucking it up” and keep this relationship in the “are we/aren’t we” limbo, even if he lived a mile away.

I want to start with the last card of the spread, the Two of Swords reversed. Twos are about balance, and for the Two of Swords, it’s about using a critical eye to see what’s needed for true balance. You’re at a crossroads right now, and this relationship—as you describe—does not seem balanced. You seem ready to commit to a relationship, while R does not. That has been the situation for the past few months and the situation today.

The Seven of Cups is another type of crossroads. There are plenty of options presented to you but be wary: some of these options are deceitful. It’s important to apply that critical eye to the situation in front of you. What does it actually look like to “keep working at it”? What is R prepared to give you at this moment—not in six months, not in two years, but right now? What can you expect if you visit him again? What would it look it if you don’t “work on it”?

Most importantly: do you think R is your only option in dating? Do you feel like it’s “work on things with R” or “stay single”? If so, why do you think that? And is that thought deceitful?

With the heartsick Three of Swords and the Ace of Cups, I think you very much want to be in love. I think you want to be a healthy, loving relationship—something many of us want—but this thing with R is not making you happy. He’s not giving you any relationship right now, let alone a healthy one.

 Will cutting it off hurt? Probably. Will it hurt more than staying? I don’t know. I think you have to turn that critical eye to your own heart. Is this current pain worth the potential future with R? Will it hurt more to stop speaking with R and try with someone else? Is the pain of being single greater or less than what R can give you now?

Be honest with yourself about how you’re feeling and what you want. And be frank with R. Tell him what you’d like, and he can tell you if he wants the same thing. Maybe he will.

Maybe he won’t. But use that critical eye to protect your heart.

I’m sorry for this difficult situation. Whatever you decided, I hope you find peace. 

Dear Oracle, 

I’m about to move in with my girlfriend. It’s the first time either of us has lived with a romantic partner. Any advice? 

– Next Step Newbie

Cards: Six of Wands, Six of Cups, Justice

Dear NSN,

First, have a space in your new apartment that’s just yours. Maybe it’s a desk or a bookshelf but a place where you can put your things and arrange them as you like. It creates a little anchor of “you” in the home. Next, make an agreement about household labor. Does one person cook and the other do dishes? Who washes the towels? Cleans the bathroom? Ground rules like help—and with the Justice card, having those boundaries and balance in place will help things go smoothly.

Justice also can be about financial balance. Are you both going to split the bills 50/50? In proportion to your salaries? By expense? (Someone covers rent while someone else covers the food and light bill.) Again, it’s great if all expectations are laid out in full.

Other conversations should include guest policy (regular, overnight, and multi-day), cleanliness expectations, closet division, décor choices, air conditioning temperatures (day and night), and whether you think it’s appropriate to use the overhead light at all times or if lamps should be relied upon. (I, myself, am staunchly pro-lamp.)

But for the most part, you should enjoy this new step! The Six of Wands is a celebratory card that pops up when there’s joy and excitement in the air. It’s a public display and the public is happy for you. It’s a big deal to move in with your partner! It announces a level of seriousness and I have a feeling people are happy that you two are taking this step.  The child-like love of the Six of Cups suggests that you two are going to grow up together (or grow old together, depending on how old you are now) while also creating a home that feels safe and comfortable. It can be incredibly fun and fulfilling to make a home with a person, and I hope as you two feel that joy and comfort. There’ll probably be some bumps along the way but I hope they’re small and manageable. 

Congratulations and best of luck!

This article appears in February 1, 2023.