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February 7, 2006

Bad Poetry - Winners (?)

Bad Poetry – 1st PlaceOde to a Booger by Nick Borho  Moist as the morning dew Sweeter than a honeysuckle From whenst I first picked you I knew it worth all the trouble.  You, I could not flick away With a fleeting, careless gesture, So on my finger you shall stay, Verdant as a summer pasture.  If only you were so forever.  I should keep you so if only able, Glistening beyond man’s measure, I would wipe you under the kitchen table And preserve your emerald treasure.  Alas, I could not stand to watch that fate On the table wood you’d dry and cake Losing the beauty that once was young So instead I place you upon my tongue.  A taste I shall cherish.Bad Poetry – 2nd PlaceYou Are a Dick by John Whitney  (my logic is as follows)  you are reading this poem because you are a friend of mine I have asked you to in order to obtain feedback you will inevitably lie to me telling me you enjoyed it this makes you a dick  you are a writer reading this poem in order to keep an eye on the literary scene all writers are dicks this includes you  you are a patron of the arts hunting for a suitable artist of considerable talent yet modest means to take into your patronage you have lots of money this will draw attention away from how you got it by being a dick  you are an editor or publisher to whom I have sent this poem in hope of turning a modest profit you will reject it due to limited appeal poetry doesn’t sell and you’re a dick  you bought this poem in a book of poems to read to impress your girlfriend you probably think good poetry rhymes you dick  this poem was in a book mis-shelved in your favorite section you thought you might give poetry a trysince you saw it was cheap on sale too if I’m right about the section you found it in then you’re a dick too  I have died decades ago you are being forced to read this against your will by your teacher you hate poetry read it dick  Bad Poetry – 3rd PlaceSymbiosis by E. Gail Chandler  Wildebeests move slowly have poor eyesight. They hang out with zebras who see well signal danger are easy to follow.  Zebras rather like this arrangement. Lions always catch the trailing wildebeests first.  So, my mate of thirty years, is it love or just the stripeson my broad ass?