February 6, 2007

Video Tapeworm: Releases through Tuesday, Feb. 13

THIS WEEKS TWIN PEEK’S DEADLY WEAPONS/DOUBLE AGENT 73 1974; DVD $19.95, UR Holy Mother of Pearl! Now available on “legit” DVD, the sexploits of the world’s only assassin with 73-inch tits! A drive-in fave back in the day, Chesty Morgan uses her massive mammaries as Deadly Weapons to bust the boobs who killed her boyfriend. Then she returns in a campy “007” spoof with a camera/time bomb implanted in her jugs — so she can take pictures of heroin smugglers! Thank the immortal Grand Dame of Grindhouses, Doris Wishman — and a generous God — for this insanely entertaining pair. Our highest recommendation. MARIE ANTOINETTE 2006; DVD $28.95, PG-13 Kirsten Dunst is stunning as always in this anachronistic retelling of the tale of the doomed child-princess/rock-star of the French Revolution. Surprising and exciting as Kiri is forced to marry limp boy-king Jason Schwartzman and endure a lifetime of bland court life. She rebels by out-scandalizing the rest of them and beating them at their own games of intrigue and back-stabbing, eventually ticking off both the court and the common people with her excesses. The modern pop soundtrack is a nice gimmick, but overdone and distracting. BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON 1987; DVD $49.95, UR All 22 episodes on six discs from the seminal CBS show with Ron “Hellboy” Perlman as the poetic, leonid sewer-dwelling Vincent, hopelessly in love with pert, petite and lovely D.A., Linda “The Terminator” Hamilton. A real treat; long overdue. CAVE OF THE YELLOW DOG 2005; DVD $22.95, R A big hit on the art-house circuit about the life of Mongolian nomads who are losing their way of life to the call of the city. A young girl finds a pup, but her parents won’t let her keep it until after it saves the life of her brother. HALF NELSON 2006; DVD $26.95, R Ryan Gosling stars in this week’s “young inner-city junior high school teacher fighting for his kid’s future in the face of urban reality” drama, but with a big difference: This one doesn’t suck. Lost and depressed outside the classroom, he abuses drugs and alcohol until caught by one of his students. Together they form a unique bond that changes both their lives. INFAMOUS 2006; DVD $27.95, R The other — and arguably better — 2006 movie about Truman Capote. Toby Jones comes out of nowhere with a performance that captures Capote’s physical mannerism and speaking style so perfectly that you have to keep reminding yourself you’re watching a movie! Jones travels from the shallow excesses of NY to rural Kansas to interview murderer Daniel “007" Craig, for what would eventually be his most-famous work, “In Cold Blood.” MASTERS OF HORROR: DARIO ARGENTO: PELTS 2006; DVD $14.95, UR Giallo master Argento brilliantly taps Meatloaf to star in this tale of a furrier who creates “the world’s most beautiful fur coat” to win the heart of a beautiful woman. But the family of raccoons who gave their lives have other plans. With great behind-the-scenes featurettes for sfx fans. MEN BEHAVING BADLY: THE COMPLETE SERIES 1996; DVD $34.95, UR The American version starring Rob Schneider, Ron Eldard and Justine Bateman (who all got replaced in the second season), about a pair of guys who live as Men Were Supposed To Live: as slovenly, irresponsible rutting pigs. We loved this series, with Schneider doing some of the best physical comedy of his career. POLICE STORY 2 1988; DVD $19.95, PG-13 For many fans, “Police Story” was Jackie Chan’s breakout film, something of a Hong Kong “Dirty Harry” with Chan playing Chan Ka Kui (“Kevin Chan”), a successful but unorthodox police officer. Its success fueled this quickly made but arguably more entertaining sequel with Maggie Cheung helping Jackie after he has been demoted to a traffic cop in a city beset by mob-bombers and a crime boss out to kill him. SCHOOL FOR SCOUNDRELS 2006; DVD $29.95, PG-13 Jon “Napoleon Dynamite” Heder plays a schmuck who takes a course in confidence-building to win the girl of his dreams — only to discover that his insane instructor, Billy Bob Thornton, also wants his would-be girlfriend. THE DEPARTED 2006; DVD $28.95, R Martin Scorsese’s latest ode to organized crime with Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Mark Wahlberg and (natch) Jack Nicholson. The plot is a classic: naïve young cop goes undercover to expose a top mob boss, while an equally naïve mobster becomes a cop/mole. Nicholson plays the whole thing over-the-top, and Scorsese just sits back and lets it roll. Terrific. THE DEVIL’S DEN 1948; DVD $19.95, UR A strip club with no cover charge … do we really need to go on? You know something’s rotten in this sexy comedy-horror-thriller because the lap dances are free! Throw in a hot female assassin, an over-armed monster hunter, a Samurai warrior and the Devil himself, and you get an idea of just how much Big Dumb Fun $20 can buy. THE GIRL IN THE BIKINI 1952; DVD $29.95, UR A beautifully remastered release of “Manina, la fille sans voile,” 18-year-old Brigitte Bardot’s film debut. She stars as the unbelievably nubile, voluptuous and sexually-curious daughter of a lighthouse keeper who spends the summer with two lucky men who come to learn from her father. Her acting is wooden … which is a good word for the whole shebang. THE U.S. VS. JOHN LENNON 2006; DVD $27.95, PG-13 During the Nixon era, John Lennon was a man evolving. Maturing from the Beatle idolatry, seeing his art corrupted by others, learning from the strength of new wife Yoko Ono, he was then attacked by the U.S. government as a “druggie, radical troublemaker” and threatened with deportation over his anti-war rhetoric. As this doc shows, in his youth he would have laughed it off and gone elsewhere, but this act forged a new persona: He stood his ground, refused to be silenced and won the right to be a “citizen of the world” in America. The ripple effects are still being felt today. Great stuff. ZOOM: ACADEMY FOR SUPERHEROES 2006; DVD $28.95, PG Tim Allen plays a retired superhero who is called back into action to train a new generation of hopeless super-brats in this silly rug-rat offering. With Chevy Chase (always a sign of quality), the incomparable Rip Torn, Courtney Cox, lots of fart jokes and bonk-on-the-head type humor for kids and their dads. Other DVDs of Interest FAT FRIENDS: SEASON 1 2006; DVD $29.95, UR THE GOLDEN GIRLS: THE COMPLETE SEVENTH AND FINAL SEASON 1985; DVD $39.95, PG THE HILLS: THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON 2006; DVD $39.95, UR YUCKO THE CLOWN: THE DAMN SHOW 2006; DVD $9.95, UR A more complete listing and free vids at www.videotapeworm.com!