What a Week

Mar 14, 2006 at 9:12 pm

OK, who sneezed on this rat?
In a dramatic medical breakthrough, researchers at U of L used stem cells from human nasal passages to cure rats with spinal-cord injuries, giving hope for possible cures for multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s, and other nerve disorders in humans. The boogers-for-brains research holds promise not only for people with spinal-cord-related disabilities, but speaks volumes for the indomitable human spirit, which could motivate a talented, highly educated researcher to go, “Hey, let’s smear some snot on a rat and see what happens.”

The real March madness
Thanks to the ongoing failure of Kentucky’s leaders to adequately fund higher education, college tuition continues to rise, culminating in next year’s 12 percent and 13 percent increases at UK and U of L, respectively. To raise hell about the increases, 300 students and their big, fuzzy mascots packed the Capitol, where legislators emerged from their holes, rubbed the sleep out of their eyes, and mumbled, “Hey, we’ve turned our backs on the elderly, the disabled, the mentally retarded, the abused and our school kids; do you seriously think we give a crap about you? Now, get that big, weird WKU M&M out of here so we can get back to our Ten Commandments monument. Oh, and go Cats!”

Perhaps a snot-schmear would help
After a brutal, month-long recovery from gall-bladder surgery and pancreatitis, Gov. Fletcher went back to the hospital to have a blood clot removed from his jugular vein. Doctors believe the clot was caused either by an intravenous catheter from his recent medical treatments or was placed there surreptitiously by Sen. Mitch McConnell to keep the governor bedridden and unable to screw things up any worse than he already has. After he came to, Fletcher quickly pardoned everyone involved.

Get on yer bikes and ride
In an effort to make Louisville more friendly to people who wear garish, colorful, too-tight clothing, the city will spend $3.5 million on new bicycle trails and improvements to existing ones. The trails and upgrades, slated for several different areas of town, will not only improve bicycling safety but will also lend a hand to the mayor’s ambitious, citywide de-chubbification program.