Q: Im a cis woman. I had a quasi-relationship with a man last year that only lasted a couple of months. The sex was great, and sexting was always a big part of our connection. Since the breakup, weve fluctuated between staying in touch and radio silence, sometimes going months without speaking. During our periods of contact, though, sexting always makes a comeback. It's hot until the frustration of not actually being able to have sex with him sets in. (We live in different countries now.) My issue is, if it werent for the sexting (which he really pushes), I dont think he would converse with me about life in general. And there are other ways I feel this dynamic is detrimental to my post-breakup life. For example, he is really into cuckolding. He wants to hear about the dates I go on, the other men I have sex with, how they fucked me, etc. It's fun to tease him and make him jealous by texting him, especially while I'm out with other men, but I wind up feeling like my attention is divided between him and whoever I'm with, sometimes to a point where I can't come with others because of how distracted I am (by him) and how disconnected I feel (from them).
My Exs Sexy Sexts Are Getting Exhausting, Sorta
A: If you feel like your ex is just using you for sexts and you dont enjoy being used like that, MESSAGES, stop sexting with your ex. Maybe youll hear from him again after the sexting stopsmaybe hell reach out now and then just to catch upbut even if you never hear from him again, that could be for the best. I mean, if you have a hard time resisting his sext requests and sexting with him leaves you feeling frustrated (because you cant fuck him) and prevents you from being in the moment (with the guys you are fucking), you should probably block his number.
But if you enjoy sexting with your exyou did say its fun for you tooand you can reset your expectations to avoid disappointment (if you stop expecting more from him than just sexts), go ahead and sext with him. But dont do it when youre with someone else. Go out on dates, enjoy your dates, fuck your dates. And the next time youre home alone and bored, MESSAGES, text your ex and tell him youre out on a date. Youll get all the same enjoyment out of making him jealousand hell get all the same enjoyment his cuckold fantasieswithout you being distracted during your actual dates.
Q: After many years of a fulfilling sex life, Ive begun to embrace the perv side of my sexuality and couldnt be happier! But Im looking for a better term than perv. While accurate, that term seems to carry negative connotations. Im looking for something that communicates the same thing while being sex positive. Any suggestions?
Positively Exploring Rhetorical Variety
A: Ive always liked perv, an affectionate diminutive for pervert, and I consider it sex positive in the same spirit that slut, having been reclaimed, is considered sex positive by people who cheerfully and defiantly self-identify as sluts. And since pretty much any word that communicates the same thing perv does in one catchy/percussive syllable has similarly negative connotationsdeev for deviant, dej for degenerate, debbies for debauchers/debaucheesthis perv thinks you should embrace the term perv, PERV, instead of trying to come up with something new.
Q: Where can I buy e-stim devices and urethral electrode sounds in the Detroit area?
Sounding You Out
A: Youll find a nice selection of e-stim devices and urethral soundselectrode and otherwiseat all Crowleys Department Store locations in the greater Detroit area.
Q: You've said that one way to get over a crush is to masturbate about it until it passes. I'm going on 2.5 years. I had surgery in 2019, and Im still obsessed with my surgeon. I think it's trauma bonding, as I had complications and had to have three follow-up surgeries, plus a ton of office visits. I know logically that he's arrogant, overly impressed with his own sense of humor, and just generally not my type. I haven't seen him in a year, but I still think about him all the time. Can you help?
Cant Understand This
A: If masturbating about your arrogant, unfunny, and perhaps incompetent surgeon (three follow-up surgeries?!?) hasnt done the trick maybe its time to try masturbating about something and/or someone else? (Or, even better, maybe talk with a therapist about this?)
Q: You recently told a healthy and active 72-year-old man practicing orgasm denial that multiple studies have shown a link between frequent ejaculation and a lower incidence of prostate cancer. Im a healthy and active 78-year-old man who began masturbating at age ten. I continue to masturbate as frequently as my body will allow, which is about every other day. Yet, I was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer and underwent a procedure that reamed out most of my prostate tissue. I am now back to masturbating, but not ejaculating. Still, a dry orgasm is better than no orgasm at all. So, studies may show one thing, but life can show you something completely different.
Totally Wrong About That
A: Im sorry to hear about your prostate tissues, TWAT, and Im glad to hear youre able to enjoy the orgasms youre still capable of having. But I gotta sayfor the recordthat I didnt claim frequent ejaculation prevents prostate cancer. I cited studies showing a lower incidence of prostate cancer in men who masturbate regularly. Lower incidence ? zero incidence. You drew the short straw here, TWAT, and Im sorry about that. But I cant imagine you spent all those years masturbating solely for your prostates sake, TWAT, which means you still got something out of all those wet orgasms. Its the same thing youre getting out of the dry orgasms youre enjoying now: pleasure.
Q: After reading the question asked by The System Called Reciprocity, the lesbian who wanted a man to do chores around the house in exchange for a handjobs or blowjobs, I had to write in. Im not sure where she's located, but if shes on the South side of Chicago, I would be down for some light housework! Feel free to connect me to any of your readers for a deal like this!
Helping Out The Dykes And Making Nice
A: I dont know where TSCR lives either, HOTDAMN, but even if I knew where she was, Im not allowed to put my readers in touch with each other. (My lawyer has forbidden me to play matchmaker.) That said, HOTDAMN, theres nothing I can do to prevent my readers from reaching out to each other in the comments.
Q: So long as ALPHAthe straight guy who likes to demean and degrade thicc gay boys he finds on Grindris upfront with these guys and tells them he's straight and tells them he has no intention of ever hooking up with them IRL, then what hes doing is okay, I guess. But if hes not disclosing all those facts about himself, Dan, then he's pretending to be something he's not and that is not okay! Straight guys leading gay guys on for attention is repulsive. Weve got enough problems out there without you giving straight guys permission to fuck with our heads!
Too Pissed For Acronyms
A: Grindr and other hookup apps are full of guys leading each other onsometimes intentionally (not interested in hooking up IRL), sometimes unintentionally (circumstances and/or guy trouble can derail a wanted hookup). Everyone who gets on Grindr knows or soon realizes that not every chat or exchange of pics leads to sex. Like author and Grindr user Alexander Cheves said in that column: We all enter Grindr chats willingly, and we should do so knowing that anyone we talk to may have no plans of following through with their promises to meet.
And in ALPHAs case, I dont think hes leading anyone on. He seeks out gay guys who fantasize about masculine, domineering, and unavailable straight jocks. He may be fucking with some guys heads, TPFA, but hes only fucking with the heads of guys who get off on having their heads fucked with in exactly this way and by exactly his type. I mean, who better to fulfill the hot unavailable straight jock fantasy than the hot unavailable straight jock?
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