Im a 31-year-old cis bisexual woman. Im hetero-romantic and in a monogamish relationship with a man. We play with other people together. Ive never liked giving blowjobs because I was taught that girls who give blowjobs are sluts. Phrases that are meant to be insulting like You suck, Suck it, Go suck a dick, etc. created a strong association in my mind between blowjobs and men degrading women. (Men take what they want, and women get used and called sluts.) As such, I never sucked much dickand if I did, it was only briefly and never to completion. I also find spit and come kind of gross. Even when I get really wet during sex, its a bit of a turnoff, and I hate that it makes me feel gross and wish I could change my thinking around it. Early in our relationship, my husband noticed the lack of blowjobs and confronted me, saying they were really important to him. At first I felt a little insecure about being inadequate in this area, but then I decided to do some research, because I honestly thought it wasnt just me and most women dont like giving blowjobs. (Because how could they? Its so demeaning!) But I learned lots of my female friends enjoy giving blowjobsthey like being in control, giving a partner pleasure, etc.so I googled ways to start liking blowjobs and Ive started to get into them! Its great! Except I still dont like when he comes in my mouth or if a blowjob gets super spitty. But my husband loves sloppy blowjobs; he says the lubrication feels good and he enjoys the dirtiness of it. If I know hes getting close to coming or if it gets super wet and I have spit all over my face, my gag reflex activates and its hard to continue. I feel like Im at an impasse. I want to give him the blowjobs he wants, but I dont know how to get around (or hopefully start enjoying!) the super-sloppy-through-to-completion blowjobs he likes. Do you have any advice?
Sloppy Oral Always Keeps Erections Drenched
You play with other people together, SOAKED, but have you tried observingby which I mean actively observing, by which I mean actually participatingwhile your husband gets a sloppy blowjob from someone who really enjoys giving them? If someone else was blowing your husband while you made out with him or sat on his face or played with his tits or whatever might enhance the experience for him and you watched another woman choke that dick down you might come to appreciate whats in it for the person giving the sloppy blowjob.
Most people who were taught that girls who give blowjobs are sluts were also taught that open relationships are wrong and women who have sex with other women are going to hell. You got over what you were taught about monogamish relationships and being bisexual years ago, SOAKED, and recently got over what you were taught about women who enjoy sucking cock. While some people have physical limitations they cant overcomesome gag reflexes are unconquerablewatching someone enjoy something you dont can make you want to experience it yourself.
But even if your observations dont trigger a desire to get down there and get sloppy and swallow his load yourself, your husband would be getting the kind of blowjobs he enjoys most and you would be an intrinsic part of them. If you set up the date, youd be making them happen, even if you werent doing them. And if you were into the scenario and/or the other womanif the whole thing got you off, not just off the hookthen there would be something in it for you, too.
And take it from me, SOAKED, to be kissed with both passion and gratitude by, say, a husband (ahem) whos really enjoying something someone else is doing for/to himwhether or not that something is something you also enjoy doing for/to him from time to timeis really fucking hot. So even if you never come aroundeven if sloppy blowjobs are something you have to outsource permanentlyyou and your husband can enjoy years of sloppy blowjobs together, with the assistance of a series of very special (and very slutty) guest stars. And you can get always get those blowjobs startedthe non-sloppy, non-spitty initial phasebefore passing the baton off to your guest star.
Married 40-year-old gay guy here. I hate beardsthe look, the feel, the smelland I miss the good old days when the only beards gay dudes had were metaphorical. When I got back from a long business trip, my hot, sexy, previously smooth husband of many years was sporting a beard. Unsurprisingly, I hate it and find it to be a complete turnoff. However, he says this is controlling behavior on my part, its his body and his choice, and hes hurt that Im rejecting him. He also says Ill get used to it and he doesnt plan to keep it forever. I agree that its his body and his choice, but I think he should still take me into consideration, and that its actually him whos rejecting me, by choosing the beard over me. Whats your take?
Spouses Hairiness Averts Virile Erection
Im with you, SHAVE, but Im also with him. It is his body, and growing a beard is something he can choose to do with the face section of his body. But that my body/my choice stuff cuts both ways: Your body is yours, and what you do with your body is your choice. And you can choose not to press your body against hisor press your face against hiswhile hes got a beard. If long business trips are a regular part of your life, maybe he could grow his beard out in your absence and shave when you get home. (Full disclosure: I have a pronounced anti-beard bias, which means Im not exactly impartial.)
Im a 30-year-old queer cis woman and a late bloomer. My first relationshipwith a hetero cis manbegan when I was 28. He was my first sexual partner. I fell in love hard, but he broke up with me after almost two years. Months later, I know Im not ready to fall in love again, but I have a high sex drive. I masturbate frequently, but when I think about playful/romantic sex, the only memories I have are with the ex, which makes me sad. So I watch rough porn, which keeps me from thinking about the ex. But watching bondage videos alone isnt the sex life I want. Should I Tinder or Lex up some rough casual sex? Get drunk and get some more memories in the mix? (I dont think I could get out of my head enough to do this sober.) Assuming I minimize the risks of pregnancy and STIs and partners that are bad at consent, whats the risk of going for it? How does it compare to the risk of getting stuck in this nowhere land and never finding a new love/sex buddy? Or maybe I need to get drunk and jerk off alone without the porn and just feel all my feelings and avoid any risk of crying on some poor stranger?
I Need A Plan Today
Do it all, INAPT. Masturbate to kink porn and feel dirty, masturbate to your memories and feel sad, and put yourself out there on Tinder and Lex and see if there isnt someone who intrigues you. But stop telling yourself you cant find romance with a partner you first met up with for rough sex. I know lots of people who first met up with someone for rough sex, clicked on a deeper level, started dating, and have since enjoyed years of sex thats both rough and loving. Finally, booze has a way of intensifying feelings of sadnessso if you dont want to wind up sobbing on the shoulder of some poor stranger, dont get drunk before that hookup.
On the Lovecast, all things weed with Lester Black: savagelovecast.com.
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