Ask Minda Honey: To chase... or wait?

Jun 27, 2018 at 10:00 am
Ask Minda Honey

In a relationship or life jam? Lemme unstuck your life — send your questions to: [email protected] or reach out to me on

Dear Minda, Does it even make sense to ask a woman out, or does one’s path simply lead a gentleman to the lady he is to be with? Furthermore, is it realistic to go into a relationship with a Power Couple mindset or do you think it puts too much pressure on the relationship itself? —Power Ranger of Love

Hey PRL, I have a friend in town right now as I’m answering your question. I read it aloud to her. Her response? “I think he’s overthinking the fuck out of this.” She advises that you ask out the interest of your desires, and if she’s down, she’s down, and if she’s not, she’s not.

Boom. (She added that boom.)

I mean you could totally wait around for the future love of your life to float past you like flotsam on the Ohio River. Lots of people have found love this way, but just as many successful people have been proactive about finding a partner. I think that you’ve just got to listen to what’s on your spirit and go with that. I don’t really have it in me right now to do any online dating, so I’ve been focusing my energies elsewhere. This led me to have a delightfully romantic date with a young man on my trip to Brooklyn — Hey, Max!

Other times in my life, I’ve been all about intentional dating, and there was a strong urge driving me to do so. So, you just have to sit still with yourself and go about the technique that’s right for you at the moment.

Now, let’s take on that Power Couple part of your question. I think we all know what sounds nice in a relationship. Barack and Michelle are my relationship goals, too. But I think you can get too caught up with what I call Paper Doll Relationships. You spend all this time trying to find someone who looks good on paper, but then they turn out to be a not-so-great person with lots of great credentials. I’m way more intrigued by someone whom I’d never expect to be with, but also has all the makings of an amazing person.

I was in Memphis last week at a literary festival. I made a new friend from Birmingham — Hey, Whitney! We were talking about relationships and what we wanted in people. She said she wanted someone who made her world larger. That felt really profound to me. Like, why does being in a relationship have to be seen as settling down or mean your life gets mundane? I want an adventure partner. Someone to experience new things with, someone who supports and encourages me to be the best version of myself, who opens my eyes to new things. And if that person comes packaged in a suit and tie so be it, but I’d accept the person into my heart in flip-flops and a tee.

When people hold firm to their dating criteria, it usually just means you aren’t feeling a person enough to compromise on what you think you want. I’ve mentioned more than once I’ve dated three car-less, homeless, jobless rappers. I compromised a lot because I was just really into those dudes. Yet, I’ve turned other guys down in two seconds flat for being too young, or because we were rocking in wildly different income brackets, or I hated their sense of style. When you click with someone, none of that superficial shit matters at all. You can’t help but be drawn to them like a plant tilting toward the sunlight. That’s just how it is.

So, if you’re making a lot of excuses in your head for why you shouldn’t be with someone but none of those reasons are things that put your safety in jeopardy or breaks any laws, it’s probably just that you’re not really trying to be with that person. I feel like a lot of men who don’t date women are totally ignorant of this. They spend all this time trying to convince us why we’re wrong about what we want when really it’s basically that we don’t want you and are just trying to be polite. So, accept the no and keep it moving.

Disagree with me? Email me your side of things at [email protected] or hit me up on my Facebook page.