Ask Minda Honey: Ghost of a Good Thing

Dec 12, 2018 at 10:07 am
Minda Honey

In a relationship or life jam? Lemme unstuck your life — send your questions to: [email protected] or reach out to me on

Hey y’all, we’ll have an update on the Catfish Texter in my next column (If you’ve been contacted by a man pretending he has the wrong number and is trying to text his friend about going to the gym and then flips it into flirting with you, email me at [email protected]).

Also, I’m low on questions, so please email me yours or message me on Facebook.

In the meantime, lemme chat with all of you about something that happened in my personal dating life. Recently, I connected with a guy on Tinder, we had a date set up, and I canceled it because another guy I’d just stopped dating had upset me, and I didn’t feel like that was the right energy to bring into a date with someone new.

We ended up chatting on the phone. The convo was going pretty well, and then he made a really sexually forward comment in response to a fairly benign topic. I tried laughing it off and switching the subject. I’ve had convos with so many of my girl friends about how much we hate it when dudes do this.

Like, read the room.

If that’s not the energy I’m putting out, then don’t try to drag me there with you, especially so early on. It happens so frequently though, that we end up just trying to brush it off as long as it isn’t anything too heinous. The next time I talked to this guy on the phone, he went on a seven-minute rant in defense of Post Malone. Then in a text convo, he made some joke about me needing to put my titties away in a brunch pic I sent him. He must have known he crossed a line because he immediately apologized. This gave me the sense that he’s been called out about this before. The more and more I’d thought about his comments, the angrier I got. They were like whiplash — they hurt way more after the fact than in the moment. That, combined with his boring texts, made me decide to ghost on him.

Ghosting is rude AF.

It really is, and it’s not something I do regularly, but it didn’t seem worth my energy to lecture a man in his 30s about etiquette, and, also, some people seem like the arguing type. Like, if I’m not into you (or, hey, if you’re not into me) I just want to send the text, have it acknowledged and move on. I don’t want to debate about why I don’t want to date you. If we’ve actually been dating, then, yes, that warrants a phone call. But a couple of phone calls and some text messages? Nah.

For a week this guy continued to text me and call me. His text messages read like he was having a convo with himself. He wasn’t even acknowledging that I wasn’t responding to him. I’d even muted his number. Then, thanks to some weird phone glitch, I was on the phone with someone and somehow accidentally called him in the middle of the call. I didn’t even realize what happened or that it was his number (since his number wasn’t saved in my phone) until he texted and called me back asking me if I’d meant to call him. I ignored those messages because, clearly, I didn’t. Then, he sent a text saying he just wanted to make sure I was OK because it was late blah blah blah. So, I sent him a text explaining what happened and that, no, I was not trying to contact him. He immediately started texting me again like nothing had happened, so I blocked his number.

A week after that, he messaged me on Facebook because he’d downloaded the new album of a rapper I liked and apparently tried to text and call me about it (as if I hadn’t been ignoring him for Two Weeks) and was somehow shocked to find that I’d blocked his number. He then proceeded to try to tell me about myself. Since he’d scaled the Himalayas for it, I gave him the dragging that he deserved. You cannot be a repeated boundary stepper and then expect the other person to treat you with the utmost respect.

Ghosting is rude, but, also, get over it.

Like, how much is your life really affected if a woman you’ve never even met and texted with for less than a week goes MIA? It’s like when someone cuts you off in traffic: Normal people get upset and then move on. Terrible people chase the other person down in a fit of road rage. That’s not the way to conduct yourself. I’ve been ghosted before, and it did not feel great, but, honestly, I can’t even remember any of those people at this point. It’s not the kind of harm that clings to you. Louisville, how do you handle ghosters, and what is your go-to move when a potential date tries to make things sexy too fast?