Let’s work it out

A young woman dressed in stylish new workout gear saunters over to a row of exercise machines and waves hello to her friend, who is jogging on a treadmill. Casually, she steps to the side of the treadmill to chat. Unfortunately, her foot lands squarely on the conveyor belt.

Like a cartoon character, her feet fly out from under her and with a deafening thwap, she slams down squarely on her butt, knocking her friend to one side. The poor woman spins down the belt to the end of the machine, where she’s dumped sprawling onto the fitness center’s concrete floor.

The room is packed, and every eye is on her. She scrambles to her feet, frowns and dusts off the seat of her pants, trying to pretend that nothing happened, while her friend laughs uncontrollably. Behind them on an elliptical, I bite my lip to hide a smile. 

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Monkey butt

As I navigated my son’s stroller through the press of holiday shoppers a few weeks ago, I could hear the high-pitched shrieks of a small boy in the midst of one very loud tantrum. “You better shut it,” the kid’s... Read More ›

Bad Santa

“OK Punky, it’s time!” I kneel down beside my 4-year-old daughter, who is freshly scrubbed, beribboned and dressed in her holiday best. “Do you remember what you’re asking for?” “A pink horse and a Peekaboo Barbie shop,” my daughter recites... Read More ›

A holiday to remember

“A girl starts walkin’, guys start gawkin’, sits down next to you and starts talkin’!” I’m rapping into a microphone before an audience consisting of my parents and my 84-year-old grandmother. They’re all smiling politely and looking bewildered. Seeing this,... Read More ›

Good housekeeping

Growing up in a museum isn’t easy. Oh, on the surface it seems exciting, particularly if you read that book that spawned a thousand juvenile fantasies, “From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler,” in which a brother... Read More ›

Turkey tradition

Thanksgiving has never been my cup of cider.  As a kid, it meant putting on the mom-ordained outfit of scratchy wool shorts, argyle knee socks, penny loafers and a stiff button-down shirt, topped off with a floppy bow cinched tight... Read More ›

The PIRCS of parenthood

I’m following my 4-year-old daughter on a nature trail at the park when a woman pushes past me, stepping on my toe. “Ouch!” I yelp, stumbling.  “Hey, that’s a great song!” she shouts, not even noticing me. “Sing it again!”... Read More ›

Dads. Who needs ’em?

I learned something interesting this week:Men are becoming obsolete. This, of course, is due entirely to the undaunted tenacity and sheer brilliance of womankind. I mean, think about it. In the last hundred or so years, what male-dominated strongholds haven’t... Read More ›

Trick or treat?

Each Halloween, I find I’m better at handling little monsters than I was the year before.That’s why last year I was more than ready for the first kid who showed up on our doorstep. Dressed in dime-store wings and a... Read More ›

What I did for love

I wouldn’t call it my favorite way to spend a Wednesday afternoon. I’m lying on an examining table with my feet in stirrups and a sheet over my lap.  As the doctor brandishes an enormous scissor-like instrument, I take a... Read More ›