You really want a civil war?

You can find a lot of dummies on the internet calling for another civil war, and I’m not ruling out that possibility, but when you think about it for even a split second, your eyes will involuntarily roll into the back of your skull to never return as a long rope of drool hangs from your mouth to the floor, because, once you allow your brains to be filled with the vision of a gross, American dum-dum with a bazooka crawling across the roof of a Pizza Hut so he can get the jump on another group of gross American dum-dums who have dug a foxhole in front of a Walgreens engulfed in flames, you begin to realize you went too far, and you allowed your imagination to reach peak American nonsense… again, not that we can’t reach such peaks of utter nonsense.

I mean fucking look at us, look at our lives!

But if power grids and the internet crash, and someone blows up the Pringles factory, then your common, run-of-the-mill American (and yes that includes all you counterculture fuckheads pretending you’re somehow above “the normies” when all you really are is played out, middle-of-the-mall bullshit) will lose their minds with fright and die right then and there.

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The summer of talking it out

This summer has reaffirmed my belief that face-to-face conversations with another human about anything, everything and straight up nothing at all is super fucking important if you’re planning on navigating what the internet tells me will soon be a scorched... Read More ›

Din din for Mitch

Normally, when Kentucky hits the national news it’s for embarrassing, over-the-top reasons in dumb-fuckery — we built a biblical dinosaur boat, Rand Paul got body slammed, Matt Bevin is a vindictive, shallow shit head out here doing what vindictive, shallow... Read More ›