Bronze-and-marble man-life

I cruised down to the Speed on Friday and caught a screening of “Funeral Parade of Roses.” It was real sweet, almost as sweet as the block of Cupcakke videos I watched on YouTube directly afterwards. Cupcakke, she’s not holding back — she’s existing on a level of beautiful self-expression I’d like to reach one day but never will because I’m too afraid. See, I only fuck with people who live completely out loud and with total disregard, and I don’t like no one else.

They say there’s a Confederate statue in The Highlands. I’ve never seen it, but that sounds about right to me. Terminally-fucked rich people tend to erect wack monuments of themselves, or their awful friends, in the name of murder and privilege. It’s what they do. Like, I once saw a picture of a statue depicting a centurion trampling the small body of a child underneath his sword and sandal, at the behest of some Caesar. Not sure which race of people the babe belonged to, but I can guarantee the whole hierarchy of the Byzantine Empire both paid for and approved of it.

History, I keeps it in my rearview. That shit is a web-heavy with dead bodies and grotesque conquerors. It is what it is, and I’m in no way a heritage guy. I know my ancestors came from all over, were dirt floor poor and sometimes came to a violent end. Not one of them moved up, so there are not a lot of inspirational tales floating around the Powell household about great-grandpa Clarence overcoming great odds to become anything other than a predestined tragedy.

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Being flat is trending!

“When you’re hot you’re hot and when you’re not you’re not.” — Jerry Reed Everyone I know is so hand-wringing miserable, and so miserably mad all the time now, and for good reason. We’re all broke, in all the ways... Read More ›

Stay strong against the storm

“Black Lives Splatter” was but one cruel, racist and chilling comment among a myriad of disgusting, celebratory utterances attached to a particular video of the Charlottesville terrorist attack during which an American-born citizen committed vehicular homicide in the name of... Read More ›

Losing my grip and flying high

Last night, I told all my hopes, fears and conflicting thoughts to a praying mantis who was swaying on the tip of my thumb. As far as interspecies communication goes, I’m breaking new ground while actively avoiding as many people... Read More ›

Cast out old punk rockers

It’s gotten to where the heat starts to deplete you, and working out in it is pure uninhibited bullshit. You add a mean-muggin’ son with sweat, sawdust and tree sap, and boom — you’re ruined, flattened out, squashed! You spend... Read More ›

Celebrate this

July 5, the day you spend your morning in the backyard picking ammo casings out of the dog’s water dish. The day you suspend yourself over a foul, hard-partied toilet bowl because you ingested too much red, white and blue... Read More ›

Mark Marvelous

Mark Marvelous was that type of cat who would write out a recipe for napalm on the inside of a White Castle bag and sell it to a kid for five bucks laid out in quarters, knowing full well the... Read More ›

Prince of the skinks

On break, I went to the store to buy an Arnold Palmer, and the clerk behind the counter had a fidget spinner crammed in his mouth, tongue to roof, jacked open wide — it was a wild sight; the future... Read More ›

The return of ‘Twin Peaks’

“Through the darkness of future past The magician longs to see One chants out between two worlds Fire walk with me” Having David Lynch, America’s utmost American, salacious, seductive and savage auteur return to a medium meant to reach a... Read More ›

Fear and Intimidation

In 1992, I was 11 years old when Spike Lee dropped his most complex and monumental joint, “Malcolm X,” and I remember like last payday how every Uncle Terry I knew lost their alabaster minds without even seeing the fucking... Read More ›