Gov. Andy Beshear: Healthy at Home talks about all the things you can do!
Me: What he is really saying is: CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT! Shelter at Home, Healthy at Home, Netflix and Sit Still, Home and Working, Home and Eating, Chilling at Home, Posted Up At Home….I DON’T GIVE A DAMN!! JUST STAY AT HOME!!!
Gov. Andy Beshear: Pop-up sites charging $250 in cash in Louisville. Any testing going on in Kentucky should be working with our Department of Public Health. Our Public Health should KNOW about any testing.
Me: What he is really saying is, “WHERE IS THE $250!!! Where is the people’s money? Bueller? Bueller? Anyone! SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!”
Gov. Andy Beshear: Pop-up testing sites. It is a SCAM! We cannot tell you the validity of any of them unless they are connected to a healthcare facility! Any popup, drive-up testing I would be VERY hesitant about.
Me: What he is really saying is, “Now y’all know good and damn well! These people are PREYING on people’s fear! Popping up in damn gas station parking lots! Asking people do they want a damn side of fries and a shake with their test. HELL NO! SCAM!”
Gov. Andy Beshear: Get ready for this weekend. It’s gonna be beautiful outside. I need your help.
Me: What he is really saying is, “I DON’T GIVE A DAMN HOW WARM IT IS THIS WEEKEND!! How many times do I HAVE TO SAY THIS?! Don’t have me bring the storm!! STAY IN THE DAMN HOUSE! Let me catch you jogging in packs and watch what happens! Try me!
Gov. Andy Beshear: If someone says it isn’t in their county. It is.
Me: What he’s saying is, “Please STFU if you are saying that. Don’t mislead people when I’m trying so hard to get them to stay the course! Please don’t pay anyone saying that ANY ATTENTION! It is EVERYWHERE! PERIOD!”
Gov. Andy Beshear: In regards to having church services — please don’t do it.
Me: What he saying is, “God isn’t the building. For now, get used to going to Bedside Baptist. Next question.”
Gov. Andy Beshear: Let’s start with these graphs again. Social distancing is the key. Look at what happened in Philadelphia.
Me: What he is really saying is, “I don’t give a damn if you are sick of looking at these charts. We are gonna look at them EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. because some of y’all STILL don’t understand to STAY YOUR ASS AT HOME!! Burn this graph into your MIND!!”
Gov. Andy Beshear: One of the best things we can do is model good behavior. Positive, social peer pressure.
Me: What he is really saying is, “Do the RIGHT thing, or people will tell on your ass, and I will shut you down! Period!”
Gov. Andy Beshear: We are going to be looking at this week about recommendations about closing the school or extend being out a couple more weeks, still wanting to see because none of us knows… it’s not out of the realm of possibility.
Me: What he is really saying is, “Y’all gonna have your kids at home for the rest of the damn school year.”
Gov. Andy Beshear: Every decision we make impacts other people.
Me: What he is really saying is, “Don’t be a selfish a$$hole. Think about someone other than yourself!! Your actions can KILL OTHER PEOPLE! THINK!”
Gov. Andy Beshear: Hey hey. Wait. Its your turn but we don’t need to be shouting down on each other.
Me: What he is really saying is, “Dude, calm down. Watch some Kids Bop. It’s gonna be OK.”
Gov. Andy Beshear: We can’t have any yard sales until this is over.
Me: What he is really saying is, “REALLY?! A YARD SALE?! IN THE MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC?! Where does that make ANY SENSE! Out of EVERYTHING I have said tell me where that would make ANY DAMN SENSE. A damn yard sale. Wheeeeewwwww…”
Hannah L. Drake is an author, poet and spoken word artist. Follow her at writesomeshit.com and on Twitter at hannahdrake628.