Thorns & Roses: The Worst, Best And Most Absurd (1/15)

Thorn: It Might Have Been A Crime

The Courier Journal keeps hammering on Gov.-reject Matt Bevin’s egregious flurry of pardons and sentence commutations (there may be a P in this for the paper). Uncovering yet another bad decision, it reported that many drug offenders were released despite having had probation violations. The corrections spokesperson refused to say why these people were still deemed good candidates for freedom. The CJ concluded that not screening them appropriately likely allowed the release of a man who died of an overdose nine days later.

Rose: We Like These Odds

Seventeen people have filed to kick Mitch McConnell’s ass. Wait… No. Certainly, there are more people than that in Kentucky. So… 17 people filed papers to unseat him in the 2020 election, including seven Republicans.

Rose: Sleeping OK’d On High Bench

We are a bit late to this, but we hope the city of Louisville is paying attention: The U.S. Supreme Court last month refused to hear a case asking whether governments can make it illegal for homeless people to sleep outside. That means a lower court ruling in the Idaho case stands, which means people who sleep on streets cannot be prosecuted if shelter beds are unavailable. What does this mean for Louisville’s homeless and the city’s wholesale, cruel clearance of encampments? Ultimately, the goal should not be for people to sleep outside, but rather it should be to find them shelter beds or — best — to create enough affordable housing so that people are not evicted onto the streets.

Absurd: Just Rename It ‘Nut Juice’

A Republican lawmaker has filed a bill that would stop nondairy products, such as almond milk, from being sold as “milk.” Because… otherwise we would all think farmers are milking nuts. This’ll save the dairy industry!

Absurd: Fast And (In)Glorious

We want to give out a rose on this one because… fast! But an absurd goes to the two General Motors engineers whom police say were racing two of those sexy, 2020 Chevrolet C8 Corvette Stingrays. One was driving 120 mph and the other, a mere 100 mph, according to WNKY. “We are aware of an incident involving our test vehicles and are currently investigating,” GM said in a statement provided to Automobile magazine.