Mitch’s Nickname, GOP AG Cand Unqualified

I’m in a bit of a lather at the moment.

Stood on the bathroom scales, did you? You can’t say you weren’t warned. Anyone with the gift of sight can see that midriff of yours is losing its battle with gravity. But I can see why that would annoy a preening narcissist like you. Just wait ’til the rest of your Barnett deserts you the way it did me.

I’m not annoyed about that specifically, although I am rather proud of my lush, silver crest. No, I’m miffed that we’ve spent three years calling McConnell every name under the sun, and someone else came up with one that’s sticking.

“McCunt McConnell” was never going to get far beyond the pages of LEO. Not in this puritanical backwood. But it is delicious to see how it’s rankled him. I think he’s genuinely pissed, and I’ve never seen that in over four decades of living in this benighted state. If only there were a single decent candidate to run against him.

Obviously, he’s livid because Moscow Mitch is true, in the sense that he’s standing in the way of doing anything at all about Russian election interference since he’s a personal beneficiary of said interference. Plus his “McCarthyism” whine is pathetic: He’s spent his entire career labelling anyone who disagrees with him a socialist. McConnell’s not the only one who’s rattled, either. Bevin’s doing a passable impersonation of someone shitting a brick too.

The internal polling must be getting worse for Bevin — as was always likely. The more he tries to make the punters like him, the less they do. Many don’t believe it but being a complete tosser isn’t the winning strategy some claim it is. Yes, tossers win all the time… but despite it, not because of it.

Meanwhile Beshear is heeding our wisdom and spending as much time as possible out in the countryside. He’s still probably second favourite in a two-horse race, but, in some ways, he’s the stronger candidate. Bevin is so disliked and dislikeable, it’s almost impossible for him to swing any voters his way. So, he has everything to lose, and Beshear has everything to win. Bevin’s support is likely maxed out already, hence his throwing the Abortion-Gambling-and-Marijuana Hail Mary so early in the race.

And he’s one the wrong side of at least two out of three of those. Maybe three out of three.

Yeah, but you’ve got to love his anti-gambling spiel. What totally hypocritical twaddle. In Kentucky of all places, where sports gambling in the form of horse racing creates billions in revenue and supports thousands of jobs. If he actually gave a flying fuck about suicide rates, there are a ton of things he could do, but he does none of them.

He made his dosh in the markets too. Hedge funds, so we’re led to believe. You can lose everything… and people do regularly. If that’s not gambling, I’m George Soros.

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And Soros has been one of the very best at it for decades. Professional and financial jealousy is one rarely-mentioned reason for the Soros hate. Of course, Bevin would argue that investing in the markets isn’t “actually” gambling, but he knows about Long Term Capital Management collapsing in a heap of irony. Anything you put your money on without a guaranteed outcome is a gamble.

Natch. And by the by, I see your favourite attorney general candidate bagged an endorsement from the Orange Klansman since we last spoke, with another endorsement from David Duke on its way, no doubt. That probably seals Stumbo’s fate right there.

Meh, I dunno. It’s still all to fight for. Stumbo needs to make more of Cameron’s day job, which as very few people seem to have pointed out is running the public affairs subsidiary of Frost Brown Todd. “Public affairs,” of course, being legalese for lobbying. Cameron is literally a lobbyist. That’s all he does. There’s no evidence that he’s done a lick of real lawyering since he left Stites, and he did so little there he never bothers mentioning it. The Hammer is a far more experienced lawyer.

You learn a new euphemism every day. Public affairs, eh? I had no idea. Presumably he’s already been made partner?

Nope. So, someone who’s not yet considered worthy of a seat at the top table in his own law firm wants to be the top lawyer in the state — without much evidence that he is capable of it. Like you declaring for the NBA draft because you can run up and down the court for half an hour. Although nothing like as nuts as his beliefs about birth and pregnancy. Did you see the YouTube video he posted where he goes on about Democrats supporting “after-birth abortion”? He has since deleted it.

I have a life, so no I didn’t. But what the buggering bollocks is an after-birth abortion? You can’t have an abortion after birth… on account of the rather obvious fact that the child has been, you know, born.

Right. The chances of having an abortion after the child’s born are the same as the child being delivered to the front door by a stork: zero. Which begs the question, why would Cameron do it? Either his understanding of childbirth would shame a 6-year-old, or he’s willfully spreading malicious lies. Both of which are disqualifying for the position he seeks.

Believing in utter nonsense while seeking public office is apparently fine. Just look at how many Yank politicians claim to be Christians. But politics aside, broadcasting easily provable lies ought to be enough to get Cameron disbarred and off the ballot.

If bar associations started doing that, there’d be no GOP left.

Sounds good to me. •

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