In a relationship or life jam? Send your questions to: [email protected] or reach me on Facebook.com/AskMindaHoney
My current roommate is fixing to move to Florida, leaving me to decide whether I should find someone else to move in with or try to find a new apartment. The only person I’ve extended the offer to happens to be someone from my past who I’ve “reconnected” with in the past month. I’m not emotionally invested and would definitely put boundaries on things if he did move in. But I’ve recently started dating someone and am realizing that telling him that I’ve hooked up with my new roommate won’t go over well. So, obviously, moving is the better option. But I’m hard-pressed to find an affordable apartment that isn’t shabby. And I hate moving. I’d do anything to stay put and just find a new roommate. Please help me,
—IDK What to Do
Hey there IDK What to Do,
Maybe we should find some inspiration in your current roomie’s life choices. She’s moving all the way down to Florida to start a brand new life for herself. She’s not piddling around with the past.
Now, I’m not saying she’s about to be problem-free, but she’s opening herself up to a whole new set of circumstances. Last weekend, I was visiting with a friend in Alabama who’s currently trying to break into a new field because she’s so over what she currently does and she said, “I just want some new problems.”
Does that sound like something you might be interested in, too, IDKW2D? ‘Cause right now you are setting yourself up for old problems by inviting this reconnect to be your roomie. Like you said, it’ll likely cause friction with the new person you’re dating, and, maybe I’m just a weak-willed woman, but I couldn’t see myself remaining mature and enforcing any boundary with someone I have chemistry with who also just happens to be down the hall. I’d be stumbling, tumbling and bumbling over those boundaries every weekend after last call. And I’d for damn sure monopolize my time with friends yammering on about how I don’t even care that my roomie-lover-friend had some other chick up in our place the other night, and she put the toilet paper roll on wrong, or whatever. Just because you’re not emotionally invested now doesn’t mean you won’t catch feelings once you two are in close proximity.
If you’re having a tough time finding cute places within your price range, I can understand your reluctance to move. And what if things don’t work out with the new person you’re seeing? Then, you’re really going to feel bitter that you sacrificed your awesome place for him. So, why is it obvious that moving is the best option?
Based on your letter, it seems like you only extended the offer to be your roommate to one person — cast a bigger net. Post on social media that you’re looking for a new roomie. Ask friends if they know anyone who would be cool to live with and is looking for a spot. When I was in grad school, sometimes people looking for roommates would ask our department to email the grad student listserv letting us know a place was up for grabs (and this is the time of year most students are looking for a place). Get creative. People always say the best thing about Louisville is its people. So, there’s a strong chance that you can stay in your place and not have to live with your hookup, if you can just find someone else you’d be comfortable housing with. Just please make sure you exercise caution if you’re considering letting a stranger move in or someone you don’t know all that well. I once found out after I signed the lease that my new roommate was in anger management counseling.
This could be a stretch, but one last thing to consider, why was the hookup the first person you asked to move in with you? You say you’re just now realizing this will cause issues with the new person you’re dating, so I’m hoping that you aren’t just low-key adding tension to your dating life. And if you think you might be, spend some time getting to the root of why.
However it goes down, I hope you get to stay in your home and find a great new roommate to live with (and good luck to your old roommate on their big move!).