Q: Im a 43-year-old straight woman, and I spent the majority of my 30s celibate. At 40, I realized that while I wasnt interested in dating, I was tired of my vibrator. I also realized that it was time to go forth and fuck with the body I had instead of waiting for the idealized body I was going to have someday. Over the past three yearsdespite being as fat as everIve consistently had fun, satisfying, exciting, creative, sometimes weird, occasionally scary, but mostly awesome sex. One guy I met on Craigslist was particularly great: awesome kisser, amazing dick. He came over, we fucked, it was excellent, we chatted, he left. This happened about four times. And then CL shut down the personals section. The only contact info I have for the guy is the anonymous CL address, and it no longer works. He has my Gmail address (the one I use for dating sites), but he has not e-mailed me. Im not a crazy stalker (I swear!), but he once told me he teaches at a university in our area, and I managed to find his photo and contact info on the school website. So I know how to reach himbut thats a spectacularly bad idea, right? Unless you think it isnt? If a dude Id fucked a few times tracked me down at my job, I would freak out. But I keep thinking: Would it really be SUCH a bad idea to send him ONE e-mail? Should I just accept that it was great while it lasted? Or should I e-mail him and run the risk of pissing off/freaking out a nice guy?
Can Really Envision Every Possibility
A: Dont do it, CREEPdont do that thing you already know you shouldnt, that thing you wouldnt want some dude to do to you, that thing you were probably hoping Id give you permission to do.
That thing? Dont do it.
Youre engaged in whats called dickful thinking when guys do itat least thats what I call it, CREEP. Its like wishful thinking, but with dicks. Men convince themselves of something improbable (I bet shes one of those women who like unsolicited dick pics!) or unlikely (Showing up at her workplace will convince her to take me back!) because its what they want. Think of all the guys youve ever known who said, She wants me! when in reality he was the one who wanted her. Clitful thinking may be rarer than dickful thinkingwomen being less likely to think with their genitals and/or being more risk-averse due to socialization, slut-shaming, and the ever-present threat of gendered violencebut its not unheard of for a woman to rationalize unacceptable behavior (contacting this man at work) or deploy a self-serving justification (its just ONE e-mail) or solicit a You go, girl! from a sex-advice columnist when what she needs to hear is Hell no, girl!
Again, dont do it. This guy has your e-mail address and he knows how to reach you. And since you didnt have all that fun, satisfying, exciting, creative sex over the last few years with only him, CREEP, I shouldnt have to tell you to focus on your other options. But since your clit is doing your thinking for you right now, I must: Leave this dude alone and go fuck some other dudes.
Q: I have a desperate question for you. Ive worked with a vivacious 30-year-old for five years. For three and a half years, she had a live-in boyfriend. She had a different boyfriend recently. Im 58 years old and not good-looking. She is always sweet to me and always compliments me. Shes said that Im a genius and a gentleman, that Im a hoot, and that I have a confident walk. Ive also overheard her say that she likes older men. However, a few months ago she walked up to me out of the blue and said that she just wants platonic relationships with coworkers. Then I overheard her say to another coworker: I put out a sign, he will figure it out eventually. But which sign did she mean? The platonic thing or the constant kindness?
Wondering On Reciprocated Kindnesses
A: This probably isnt what you wanted to hear either, WORK, but this woman isnt interested in youand if you werent engaged in dickful thinking, youd know that. But your dick has somehow managed to convince you that youre the he she was referring to when she talked about sending someone a sign. But you need to ask yourselfand its best to ask right after you masturbate, as thats when were least prone to dickful thinkingwhich is likelier: she went out of her way to let you know shes not interested in dating anyone at work and youre the he she was referring to, or the he she was referring to was one of the roughly four billion other men on the planet and not a coworker? I dont mean to be cruel, WORK, I just want to stop you from doing something that could get you fired or screw up what has, up to now, been a pleasant work relationship. While kindness can sometimes signal romantic interest, the full weight of the evidence hereincluding the fact that she didnt send an unambiguous signal when she was briefly singleindicates otherwise.
Q: Im a cis, white, gay malepartnered 15 years, monogamous for the first 14. About a year ago, my partner agreed to let me play on my own outside of the relationship. The rules: not when hes in town, no one comes home, no regulars. Ive taken good care of myself (sexual frustration + gym)and at 50, I find that Im attracting guys half my age. Sometimes, in the heat of passion, they call me daddy. This took a LOT of getting used to, but am I going to stop what were doing to discuss nomenclature? Anyway, I refuse to call them son, because I find that creepy. Baby doesnt really work for me, eitherits what I call my partner. That leaves boy. Which is fine if theyre white. The problem is, some of the jaw-droppers calling me daddy have been black. And I absolutely refuse to call a black guy boy. I want to leave them feeling amazing, not brooding on race relations and power imbalances. So what does a beautiful, dark-skinned, daddy-loving young man want to be called by the older white guy pounding him?
Daddys Uncomfortable Race Relations
A:Good for you for being able to think clearly even when your dick is hardeven when its buried in some hot guybut I have to fault you for not reasoning your way to the obvious answer.
Youre a white guy who doesnt feel comfortable calling a black sex partner boy, which is usually what gay guys who call older partners daddy want to hear. But instead of asking the black guys youre fucking what they want to be called, DURR, you opted to ask some other old white dude what he thinks the black guys youre fucking might want to be called. Do you see the problem here? The guys you should be asking about this are the guys youre fucking. And you dont even have to call a halt to the action in order to ask them! Next time youre balls-deep in some hot guy and he says, Fuck me, daddy, growl and say, Thats right, Im your daddyand what are you? If he says, Im your boy, then thats obviously what he wants to be called.
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