Bub Sosa, with Juju in Portland Jan. 15, 2019
We were born and raised down here. A similar pain brought us together, and we really got a hell of a friendship. Basically, being misunderstood, we understand each other. Its not a relationship, but were starting with the foundation. Like iron sharpens irons, as too, a friend sharpens a friend. Its pure respect and buildup. Id be a sucka if I was trying to get with her, and she aint at her fullest, and Im not at my fullest, ya dig? Were just trying to build, and its a beautiful friendship.
We gotta body that cant digest drugs and a mind that cant digest life, so were thoroughly misunderstood because we self-medicate. Family looks at it like were doing drugs, and so were both outcasts. I feel like Im supposed to be a blessing to my family and not a burden. The devil, like the lawyer he is, knows scripture and accuses us like a lawyer. So, like its a third-party voice, my dads wife, who is propaganda. However, propaganda is like hocus pocus, right? However, my self-medication makes my propaganda look true, ya dig? Those real close ties start to fade, and we seek comfort anyway we can, in each other. People dont like drugs its just a release. Alcohol isnt nothing but a drink. Its about thinking. Take the drugs and drink away, and were still broken. This shit goes back to my childhood. Its deeply engraved.
With me, it started when my parents broke up. I came from a broken home. The devil divided it. I was 10 years old. I took my first drink at 10. I told my brother to give me a beer, and he said, If you kill it, I wont tell moms. If you dont kill it, Ill tell her. So, I killed it and boom, I had arrived. I felt like I needed to feel. I didnt miss mom no more. I didnt miss dad no more. I felt like a ladies man. I knew at 10 years old that I could change my reality with no harm meant. I always sought God, though. I knew that when people failed me, God didnt. However, my flesh was never satisfied. I developed mentally and physically but didnt develop emotionally. Emotionally, Im like an adolescent. Thats not easy to admit, but you know. ...
... Im a single daddy. At the time, I had my 3-year-old, little boy and my 2-year-old, little girl, by myself. Their mama was gone on ice. My daddys wife called CPS and had my kids taken away. Now, I have nothing. Im stripped. Im bare. Human contact is critical. I had no one, and when you dont have that, it fucks with your psyche. I went to do nine months of treatment. I was only supposed to do 30 days, but I did nine months. CPS was ready to close. My lawyer ready to close, and my baby mama never showed up to court. I didnt take one drug test. I took a trillion. My baby mamas public defender stood up and said that he dont feel comfortable giving me the kids when she wasnt present. She aint present? Shes never been present. I shouldve had my kids, that day, bruh! Mind you, I have a body that doesnt properly digest drugs; I react abnormally. I have a mind that cant digest life. So, when that happened, the best thing I could do was numb it. By numbing that pain, it made her look right. Im misunderstood to the fullest. Its a cruel and unusual punishment. I dont want no pity or nothing its just hard.
My outlook on life is that God is everything. God is gonna turn this around. The work he started in me, hes going to finish in me. It dont matter what it looks like. I was left in the street, in that park, when I was 10. Im a product of this neighborhood. Im just trying to work on myself, ya dig? All my faith comes from God. Any of my wisdom comes from pain and experience. If somebody gets something from it, Im praising God. Im only something when I allow him to work in me, and when I get out of the way.
Theres two roads in front of you: life and death. Choose life. Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream. Take it easy, man. Stay out of your own way and have some humility. Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less. When you arent thinking about you, youre helping someone else, and Gods working on you. See, I suffer from self and self cant fix self. Im real sick, and I need help. Im just working on it.
West of Ninth began as a Louisville photography blog, westofninth.com, by two Russell residents, Walt and Shae Smith. With a love for their community, Walt and Shae see the value and potential of all nine neighborhoods that make West Louisville. Armed with a Nikon DSLR, a recorder and the ability to never meet a stranger, their goal is to shed light on the attributes that make West of Ninth the greatest.