Q: Im a kinky single woman who keeps attracting the wrong men for mespecifically, submissive guys into face-sitting. Im submissive myself, and face-sitting is not a turn-on for me. But the vast majority of men who hit on me have this fetish. I think its a size-related issuea my-size-related issue. Im a full-figured/curvy woman with a big butt. Granted, its a fabulous butt, but my butt sends the wrong signals, apparently. Ive tried several times to word my FetLife and other dating profiles so that Ill attract dominant men, but the messages from submissive wannabe face-sittees pour in. Dating when youre not thin is hard enough. Help, please.
Baby Got Back
A: Youve worded your dating profiles to attract Doms, BGB, but it doesnt sound like youve worded your profiles to repeland crush the hopes ofsubmissive wannabe face-sittees. Lets fix that: I get a lot of messages from submissive guys into face-sitting. Ive got a great butt, I realize, but Im a sub, Im not into face-sitting, and I only want to hear from Dom guys. Some submissive guys will message you anywayguys who will be letting you know they have a hard time taking no for an answer, BGB, so not guys youd ever want to meet up with IRL. Delete their messages and block their profiles.
Q:While having sex one night with my girlfriend, I pulled out a vibrator for the first time. She asked whether I (a guy) had used it with a previous partner (another woman). I conceded that I had. She refused to let me use it on her on the grounds that it had already been inside someone else. I pointed out that since I am not a virgin, her objection did not seem principled: My penis has been in someone else and she lets me put that in her. Nevertheless, she remained adamant. Do you think she was being reasonable?
Very Interested Boyfriend Enquires
A:I do not, VIBE, but since you dont want to stick your old vibrator in mepresumablywhat I think is irrelevant. When it comes to who gets to stick what in our bodies, were allowed to be arbitrary, inconsistent, capricious, and even illogical. Thats why But my dick has been in other women and you let me stick that in you! isnt quite the slam-dunk argument you think it is. So toss that old vibrator and get yourself a new onebut save the packaging so you can pass it off as new with your next girlfriend.
Q: My cousin was a victim of revenge porn. A bitter ex-boyfriend of his sent several videos theyd made to everyone on my cousins contact list, including me. Im a straight woman who prefers gay male porn, and my cousin and his ex are beautiful mentheyre both dancersand I couldnt help myself: I watched the videos, more than once, before deleting them. So how bad a person am I?
Sick And Wrong
A:Youre a better person than the asshole ex who sent those videos to everyone your poor cousin knows, SAW, but a worse person than those who deleted the videos without wanking over them first.
Q:Your life is a monstrous affront to God, and your lifes work, your ridiculous advice column, encourages people to act on their worst impulses. Advice column? Take the D away! You write A VICE column! I was involved in the gay life once, Mr. Savage, but the love of Jesus delivered me from homosexual sin. Embrace Christ, and you too can be delivered. I pray for you every day. Someone has to.
Christ Even Saves Savages
P.S. I have read what youve written about your mother, who you claim to have loved. Your mother died relatively young. Im not suggesting God punished you by cutting your mothers life short. No, your mother died of shame.
A: You pray for me, CESS, and Ill gay for youbecause all the delicious dick you left behind when Jesus raptured you out of homosexual sin arent gonna suck themselves, are they?
P.S. Jesus is love, my Catholic mother liked to say. If she was right, CESS, he surely finds the things going into my mouth less offensive than the shit coming out of yours.
Q: Ive been toying with the idea of having a sub provide domestic services, but all the potential subs Ive met with havent seemed like a good fit for various reasons. Last night, I had a first meeting with a man who is a good fit on paper but who turned out to be an obnoxious asshole in persona misogynistic, mansplaining frat-boy type. Can someone be too much of a dick for you to let them do your laundry?
Sub Is Subhuman
A: If you wouldnt be in a vanilla relationship with someone, SIS, why would you want to be in a D/s relationship with them?
Q: Ive been in a lesbian relationship for about two years. Recently, I was listening to your podcast, and you were talking about the Big/little kink. I remember thinking my girlfriend could be into that. Today, my girlfriend texted this to me: I want you to hold me like a child, rock me to sleep, and tuck me in and kiss my forehead. I almost asked her right then if she was into Big/little play, but then I realized that Im not sure what I would do if she said yes. If she came to me and said, Hey, Im into this stuff! I would consider it. But I am not into this stuffnot independentlyor at least I dont think so. My question is this: If you suspect your partner is into something that youre not into, should you leave it alone? I feel like maybe the GGG thing to do is to ask her and offer to explore it if she says yes.
Wanna Be GGG
A: Are you sure youre not curious about Big/little play, aka age play? Because it sounds like you might be. If you are, dont project your interests/kinks onto your girlfriend. Just ask her if she might be interested. If you arent into Big/little play but think she might be, the same advice applies: Just ask her.
Q: My boyfriend of three years has not left his wife for me, even though he says he will someday. He doesnt want to hurt her. He feels a duty to her. But he loves me more and swears he will leave her someday. In the meantime, we carve out half an hour a week for sex and its super hot. Two questions (and please answer honestly): Hes not going to leave her, is he? And Im a cliché, arent I?
Dont Understand Men
A: No, he isnt. And yes, you are. DTMFA.
On the Lovecast, sex-toy expert Erika Moen discusses strap-ons for men: savagelovecast.com.