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I’m getting back out there after a dating break, and my vision was that I’d meet a lot of nice, new people to go out with. However, as you know, Venus is in retrograde at the moment, and all the men I seem to cross paths with are old lovers who want to reconnect. I’ve tried to say farewell to some of the men and habits of my past, and I’m aware that I’ve changed during my break from dating in some important ways. I’m wondering if you think it’s OK to rekindle an old flame, and, if so, under what circumstances?
—Trying not to Regret the Retrograde
Whew. I feel you on this one! It is boomerang season. I’ve already dragged one cheating ex on Instagram for attempting to slip back into my life, doing my damnedest to convince another of the merits of “Just friends (FOR LIFE),” and wistfully thinking about a D.C. boy with a Cali ZIP code. Venus retrograde has got us all out here on the dating scene looking a total mess. I am clearly not qualified to answer this question for you, but I knew just the person to tag in.
Meet Austen, founder of Get Read Wednesday. Under the Instagram account @getreadwednesday, Austen does a weekly tarot card pull and reading that literally reads you and offers much-needed guidance. What I love about Austen’s readings is that they take you deeeeeeeep into yourself and hold your hand while you poke around in all that painful muck you’ve been avoiding (How do I know you’ve been avoiding it? Because it’s where all the answers to all our greatest life questions are kept, but first we have to be brave enough to reach for them). Austen also has expertise in astrology and they were kind enough to lend their powerful words to your question this week.
Courtesy of Austen:
“What a powerful time to be asking these important questions around relationship dynamics and patterns. To encounter a past lover is to encounter a ghost. It revives old feelings that you cannot touch, because those feelings are tucked away in the fabric of your heart. That doesn’t mean you won’t feel the urge to get that feeling back. Venus in retrograde is the pause you need to make informed decisions about love. Retrogrades are a time to reflect — opportunities to do things differently.
Before you make a decision, consider your relationship history. Be honest with your tendencies and your intentions for revisiting this chapter of your life. Can you put yourself out there without the safety net of past lovers? Venus Retrograde is not here to coddle your excuses — it’s here to drag your shadows into the light so that you may confront these habits out loud and move forward according to who you are becoming, not who you’ve been. Unless you like who you’ve been, it’s not encouraged to date people who supported your own toxic behaviors. Chances are it’s because supporting your toxicity meant ignoring their own.
Also, consider the astrological shitshow that is the year 2018. Venus stations direct Nov. 16. Mercury retrogrades the very next day. It’s likely you’ll be reflecting on the past, and you’ll need ample space to sort out what you’d like to bring into the new year. What relationships and patterns are you willing to take with you?
If you are getting back into the dating game with the intention of attracting more compatible lovers, it’s best not to taint the waters. Time, personal growth and distance are the only circumstances that provide for a sustainable relationship with someone you’ve already been with. Can you be sure the person you are revisiting has been evolving as an individual? Sometimes when we tell the universe we are ready to date again, we receive tests just to make sure we are ready to receive what we’re asking for. And in the spirit of Venus retrograde, it’s not who shows up, it’s how you respond.”
OK, T.N.T.R.T.R. Austen has offered their guidance, now it’s up to you. For the rest of you readers, if you’re feeling curious about astrology, tarot and all-things Austen, join us next week on Instagram under @mindahoney or @getreadwednesday where we’ll be live-streaming together at 8:30 p.m. (to help pass the time while you wait for your #getreadwednesday card to be revealed). We’ll answer questions and Austen will give me a reading.
Until next time, keep your hearts safe, lovers.