Senate a grifter’s tool, mayor could be great, Leet in a mug’s game

I know that by the time this gets published, some new disgrace will have made the world forget about Super Tuesday, but damn me, what a week that was.

Almost comical the way Ryan and McConnell went into complete and total hiding. What a time to be alive and getting paid to write about these goons, even if it is for peanuts. We have the worst president and speaker and Senate majority leaders in history — all at the same time. An axis of arseholes, a trifecta of turds, whatever you want to call it. Glorious, in some ways.

I’d probably have to give Ryan the top prize. Imagine going down in history as a worse Speaker than Dennis Hastert.

Tough call, but there’s no denying that’s some feat. Easy to be the worst president… even you could do it. But worst Speaker, when you’re up against a convicted pædophile, is some going.

His crowning achievement. I mean, they’re all criminals, aren’t they? And not just the ones that lifelong conman Trump has appointed.

A feature not a bug, as the cliché goes. See what hanging about with you does to me? And yes, of course that lot are villains. If you’re going to run the presidency as a mob enterprise, you can’t go around appointing people with morals and ethics and all that nonsense. You have to appoint people who’re either already deep in it, or who’re easily persuaded to join in. It’s not the same if you’re trying to go straight, when you might be inclined to surround yourself with upright, clean types who’ll hold you to account. This is the opposite of that. So all of them — DeVos, Zinke, Pruitt, Wilbur Ross, all of them — are in one way or another as bent as a three-bob note.

Even the supposedly decent one, Mattis. When you debase and degrade yourself by serving a criminal, you’re no better. It’s like someone saying, “Well, yeah, I worked for Reggie Kray and I hammered a few nails through a few feet, but I wasn’t a gangster.” It doesn’t work like that. Same for McConnell.

Imagine deciding that these people are worth sacrificing your entire career and reputation on. McConnell is hilarious. Thinks he’s the Churchillian leader of the world’s greatest deliberative body — which is a fucking joke to begin with — when in fact his tenure has transformed the Senate from a vaguely independent branch of government into a fawningly servile two-bit grifter’s tool.

Exactly. Hence, worst Senate majority leader in history. Zero sympathy for him. He knows exactly what he’s doing. He has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Just this week he happily stood up on the Senate floor and cheered on the repeal of a rule that will — by the government’s own projections — kill north of 1,400 people a year. A 9/11 death toll every three years. The bloke’s an absolute ghoul.

Shitting his whack right now, though. He must have a word in Mueller’s shell-like, or at least he must know Mueller wants to talk to him. Him and that fraud Bernie Sanders.

You’d think. I think a lot of people will cheer Trump’s downfall, but personally I’ll cheer the loudest when that bastard McConnell gets what’s coming to him.

Speaking of downfalls, I’m seeing a large number of Leet signs in my neighbourhood. Do you think her “debate me” strategy will work against Fischer?

I’m amazed you don’t think asking me a straight question isn’t debasing yourself. But nope. There was a lot of Ryan Fenwick talk before the primary, including right here in this column, and Fischer swatted him aside like a fruit fly. He’s right to refuse as many debates as possible. She asked for six, got two. Overly generous in my estimation.

Debates are always infinitely easier for the challenger than for the incumbent. Much easier to attack a record of governing than to defend one. “Here’s what I would do” is how people get reputations for brains that exceed their genetic allotment. It’s a classic hiding-to-nothing for Fischer, so why take the risk? Frankly, I’m surprised he gave her two at all.

He obviously has to appear at least a little willing. I still find him very frustrating, though. Like he’s waiting for Junior Bridgeman to rebuild The West End, rather than rolling his sleeves up and getting stuck in to make it his absolute priority. He could be a great mayor, but falls a good way short.

You rate him far higher than I do. He’s a bloke who earnt his gelt by being tall, and then had the nouse to find some smart business people to help him invest it wisely. Anyway, I’ve worked for Leet, and she’s sharp, and her heart’s in the right place — for a well-heeled Republican, anyway. But taking on a popular and established Democrat incumbent in a blue city this year is a mug’s game.

Like spending more than two bar on a ham at the Fair, one would have thought. I mean, good for charity and all, but I think if the bloke running my bank spent that much on a pig’s leg I’d take a much closer look at how much said bank is charging me.

Funny, a ham steak is such a ’70s thing in my mind. Gammon steak with a slice of tinned pineapple on top. The sort of thing my parent’s generation would eat under the impression they were being posh. And yet here we are, eating them on Christmas and auctioning them off for millions.

In some ways the most Kentucky thing ever.

After killing coal miners, of course, which is the most Kentucky thing of all.