Thorns & Roses: The Worst, Best & Most Absurd

When babies don’t win…  |  Thorn

A judge threw out the sewer… er, pension bill because it was passed illegally. A frustrated Senate Majority Leader Damon Thayer says he is done trying to save Kentucky’s dying pension system, even if it drags down the state. “I don’t see much inclination out there to open this thing up and deal with it again, so that just means our pension systems are going to continue to spiral downward, and our bond rating will continue to decrease,” said Thayer, R-Georgetown, according to Courier Journal.

If Bevin says it, must be so  |  Thorn

Gov. Matt “Elected on a Bell Curve” Bevin told Bloomberg TV that Europe’s retaliatory tariffs against bourbon will not hurt Kentucky’s bourbon industry. Could it be that Bevin is selling out his state’s bourbon industry because he has too much political capital invested in a state-funded aluminum plant?

No, Bill… you are the problem  |  Thorn

WDRB’s Bill Lamb says the separation of immigrant children from their parents is not the problem, but rather the symptom. “If you’re not a U.S. resident, [and] you want to live in this great country, and you want to stay with your children, don’t try to sneak into the United States illegally,” he bloviated.

B(leet)  |  Thorn

We give thorns to Mayor Greg Fischer when he deserves them, and we know campaigning is about winning, not governing. But his GOP challenger, Councilwoman Angela Leet, apparently will say just about anything to get elected. During a press conference, she said, “I can pledge to you today that as mayor, I will not withhold information from the public,” according to CJ. Ah, righhht. (Shout out to CJ reporter Phillip M. Bailey for using a screenshot of LEO’s Two Brits in The Lou column to help validate his story on Fischer’s secrecy issues. It must be the first time CJ has printed such a sentence: “Which reminds me, Fischer spent over a hundred grand taking mystery punters to the Derby, if pissing the public coffers up the wall interests you.”)

Couldn’t afford another l?  |  Absurd

Humana has opened a health and fitness center next to the postmodernist pile that serves as its corporate headquarters. The gym is called Wel At Humana.