Thorns & Roses: The Worst, Best & Most Absurd

Mayor’s parties for sale?  |  Thorn

It is bad enough, perhaps, that Mayor Greg Fischer spent $109,000 to party (officially) during Derby, but worse is that $10,000 of it came from a local law firm and another $10,000 came from a liquor company, as detailed by Courier Journal. His office’s poor excuse for not releasing the guest list is that the party is meant to draw new businesses to town, and they don’t want to be outed until they sign the deal. But why would Stoll Keenon Ogden and distillery Beam Suntory pony up so much money? It seems like the mayor’s parties are for sale. What’s next? Party With The Mayor, brought to you by Monsanto and Exxon?

Shaking the Money tree  |  Thorn

We just learned what it takes to get business and politicians to support trees. Money. The CEO of Sazerac Company (Buffalo Trace, etc.) and CEO of the American Forest Foundation cowrote an op/ed for Courier Journal that urges support of two measures in the farm bill pending before Congress. They claim, the measures would help foster the growth and availability of more American white oak trees needed for making bourbon! One measure actually would result in cutting down more trees — “low value trees are the ones preventing the white oak from flourishing and a market for low value trees can help support their removal.”

Step up LMPD  |  Thorn

The city has ordered the BP gas station at Broadway and Hancock Street to vacate, calling it a “public nuisance” after finding three instances of people drinking in the parking lot, CJ reported. And, then, there was a shooting. The owner says he intends to appeal and make sure to have security. But why is the gas station responsible for crime and problems that spill over from the neighborhood? Maybe, also, the LMPD should patrol the area more. Maybe police also would tow cars parked illegally nearby on Broadway and on the sidewalks during rush hour.

Senator dung beetle  |  Absurd

As U.S. Sen. Rand Paul’s neighbor begins a 30-day jail term for attacking him, we find out it was all because Paul repeatedly placed yard debris on their property line. He’d pile sticks. The increasingly enraged neighbor would remove them. Great statesmanship, Rand! Well, all ya’ll elected him.