Derby shade, America’s Dumbest Criminals and bad tailoring

Derby time! I can’t wait! Tally ho!

Must we act out this tedious charade year in, year out? The one where you pretend to love the nags, while at least I remain true to form by wallowing in apathy?

Meh, I’m not a lover, but definitely not a hater. Brings out the best in Louisville, even a misanthrope like you can’t deny that.

I can, and I will. If spending all of this energy and time on a horse race that had its heyday decades ago was worth the bother, I might be more gracious. I just don’t notice enough evidence of it myself, at least nowhere outside the city. The excessive lather we get ourselves in just brings unnecessary attention to how little else Louisville has to offer the world — when in fact we have a lot of very cool things to brag about.

It’s one of the best things about this city, Derby time. It’s the one thing that unites the city. Mint juleps, the world’s worst cocktail; naming the Z-lister to head the Derby Parade; waiting three hours in what will surely be pissing rain for a taxi after losing your paycheck on a horse that won a one-way trip to the knacker’s yard. What’s not to like?

Your sarcasm is as subtle as your snobbery. But all right, I’ll go as far as to say that I appreciate that something other than the NRA convention brings a blessedly-brief invasion of big spenders to town each year. Whilst I’d rather eat my own bodyweight in romaine than watch horse racing, I don’t mind its impact. Satisfied?

Surprisingly so. But, since I’m a poor gambler, my only Derby hope is that the LMPD’s killing spree will have calmed down by the time all of these punters arrive. As if an outbreak of hepatitis at Shite Castle wasn’t bad enough.

I wouldn’t think it would make any difference — anyone coming to town for Derby is unlikely to be a regular at White Castle… and is probably white enough to avoid summary execution on the streets courtesy of Louisville’s trigger-happy finest.

Big problem for Fischer. In fact, it’s been quite a couple of weeks for some of our regular targets… for want of a better word. UofL’s finally doing something sensible and dragging Ramsey and his henchlady to court. I’ve got no beef with someone being paid well for doing a big job, but it’s using the public coffers as a personal piggy bank that I find objectionable.

Brass queers folk, as the peasants say.

Quite. Speaking of the disenfranchised, Bevin signed the gang bill — the most racist piece of legislation since Jim Crow, despite all evidence saying exactly that. It’s remarkable that someone could be so utterly uninterested in real problems facing black communities and real solutions other than continued and increased mass incarceration.

He uses people as props. That’s what all marginalized people, including people of color, are to him. A cynical assessment, perhaps, but would anyone put it past him?

I wouldn’t. Signing that sickening bill is the final nail in that coffin. Moving on, our esteemed governor also had to lick his wounds over a loss in court over the pension bill, to Beshear, of all people.

True, but it could turn into a Pyrrhic victory for Beshear. Bevin was a partner in a financial advisory firm, and no matter how suspicious everyone should be about that industry, most people aren’t — and they’re easily fooled. Beshear needs to remember that Bevin didn’t become a partner because he was bollocks at selling that particular brand of snake oil.

Also true, but I think the court’s going to have a hard time finding an excuse to let it stand, regardless of the cons and cons of the bill itself. The process was a joke, its illegality was pointed out to the committee, and they filmed themselves doing it. America’s Dumbest Criminals. On a personal note, when these goons take over JCPS, my kids will look even smarter. Silver linings and all that.

If you mean smarter than you, a man currently being lampooned on social media for wearing eyeliner to school, then the bar isn’t getting any lower. However, my other education concern is over this Wayne Lewis character and his appallingly-ugly and ill-fitting suits. I can’t fault his dedication to the gym, but just seeing that whistle stretched tight over his bulging biceps is enough to make me damn the man. He needs to spend some of his vast — albeit temporary — salary on a competent tailor.

It’s good that you have your priorities right. But it’s not going to happen, despite the halfwits at the Louisville Tea Party coming out in favour of a state takeover.

I had no idea the Tea Party still existed. You’d have thought they would have been shamed into extinction by virtue of the glaringly obvious fact that they only came into being because a president wasn’t a white guy.

Still going, apparently. Like the Ark Experience. But not for much longer if these leaked attendance figures are anything to go by. Moribund, thy name is Ken Ham.

You’re shitting me? How delicious, if true.

Pray that it is. I give it maybe six months before it mysteriously burns down in the middle of the night. I believe Deplorables, unironically, call that sort of thing an act of God. Apparently, Evangelicals can only worship one deity at a time and Cadet Bone Spurs has cornered the market.

What delightful news to part on. I feel a surge of joy. Fuck it: tally ho!