Dems’ blue wave? Ha ha! Maybe bet on Trump 2020

Primaries over, now we can look forward to November’s blue wave!

Blue wave, you say? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

What’s the matter with y…

“Blue wave” ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Look, I know turnout wasn’t…

“Blue wave” he says ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Stop it, I’ll piss myself.

Get a grip, what’s the matter with you? I’m sure that come the election proper voters will…

“Blue wave” ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha… OK, OK… let me breathe for a second… OK, I know you’re trying to be serious and philosophical and not an idiot and all that, but fuck me, that’s hilarious.

Do I assume you’re sceptical?

Yes, Hercule, you could say that. Look, you’ve got to understand that Trump is winning. Not in the sense that he thinks he is, but in the sense that he’s exhausted all opposition. He won’t get kicked out, and he won’t get voted out. If I’m a Republican, I’m feeling pretty good about life right now. If they hang onto the House, which more than likely they will, he’s in the clear.

I still think that come November Democrats are infinitely more enthusiastic.

Democrats? Enthusiastic? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Start that up again and I’ll crack that bald egg of yours. You know we don’t get paid by the word.

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Mate, you’re just repeating what you want to hear, which, in a sense, makes you no better than them. This recent pathetic turnout has cleared my mind. Like most people did before the last general election — including us, if I remember correctly — we reckoned Trump would get mullered. But it turns out he’s like a Richard that won’t flush. He won’t go away.

But Mueller’s investi…

Do me a lemon. Shut up about Mueller. His work might lead to a few minor henchmen getting in a spot of bovver, but Trump’s not going down unless Congress agrees to it… and there’s not a cat-in-hell’s chance of that. The Constitution — and, Jesus, what a naively-stupid idea a written constitution is — didn’t anticipate that every branch of the government might be headed by crooks and incompetents; and until now it hasn’t. But now it is, so we’re fucked.

On reflection perhaps you could start laughing uncontrollably again? Please?

Meanwhile, what passes for leadership among Democrats sits around wringing its hands over not sounding too angry, fusses over what Tom Perez is up to and gives that pain-in-the-arse-ersatz-socialist Bernie Sanders way too much airtime. In the face of so much to be angry about, they don’t want to sound angry? ICE is committing crimes against humanity, and they’re worried about sounding angry? What the buggering bollocks is wrong with them? Simultaneously Republicans have faked anger for years over made-up shit and there they are, rewarded with complete control. I believe in a lot of the stuff that Democrats claim to stand for, but fuck me, I don’t half-loathe their reality sometimes.

So what if your political predictions maintain the form they’ve shown over, say, the last three years and turn out to be shite?

Then, in this instance I’ll be delighted. I’m not completely convinced, of course. Call this my emotional hedge, and now that we can bet legally in this country, I might go and place a few quid on Trump 2020. The bilious disgust I’ll feel if he wins will at least be partially offset by an increase in the amount of wedge in my bank account.

No sports or politics gambling here, old boy. Matt Bevin will see to it that Kentuckians remain pure in thought and deed, unsullied by godless vices like tobacco, alcohol or horse racing.

Yeah right, and don’t forget church bingo on Friday night. Or go and see Jordan Peterson desecrate the Louisville Palace.

That’s a no from me. I don’t know that much about him other than that he’s a hero to people who live in their basements. But I do know that when your fans spend most of the time explaining why you’re not a fascist, you’re probably a fascist.

Insight gained from years of being accurately called a wanker, no doubt. But you’re probably right, if it looks and sounds like a fascist, it probably is one. You’re off on hols next week, aren’t you?

Indeedy. Off to the Boundary Waters in Minnesota.

Whitest holiday ever. Try not to get eaten by a bear.

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