Locals, write me with your dating, love and relationship questions at As[email protected] or follow me on Twitter at @MindaHoney
Happy New Year, Lovers!
Let’s get a few housekeeping things out of the way before we dive into this week’s topic.
First, “Ask Minda Honey” has a Facebook page! Search for my name. I know, I know, why didn’t we do this sooner? Now, you can chat with me and other readers about the advice I give to the lovelorn and those locked in bitter family feuds. It’s even cool to swing by and disagree with me, but you know, feel free to gush over how great and insightful I am too. I do like that. You can ask me questions directly on Facebook or even seek out follow up advice. Sometimes, I might even turn to commenters for a second opinion. Head over to Facebook and like the new page today!
Second, this column went on a brief hiatus over the holidays, but I’m back and I’m here to help, so send me questions. Send. Me. Questions.
You can deliver your questions directly to my inbox: [email protected]. If I publish and answer your question, I will use an anonymous name of your choosing in the column. If you’re feeling squeamish about using your email address, you can use a service like 10 Minute Mail to create a temporary email account that will disappear shortly after you hit send. Just be sure your question is thorough, since I won’t be able to email you back for additional information.
Third, if you follow me on social media — have you liked our Facebook page yet? — buried between my food pics and birthday snaps, you may have noticed I was recently embroiled in a bit of relationship drama. Yikes! Without getting into a full on State of the Union Address, let’s just say that my focus is on using the beginning of this new year for a fresh start.
Which brings us to this week’s topic, 2017 Relationship Resolutions. Now is a good time to take inventory of your relationships. Time to get everything in order, so you can spend the rest of the year surrounded by people you care about and be involved in healthy interactions.
Marie Kondo Your Friend Group. Marie Kondo wrote the insanely popular “Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.” The general gist is that you pick up an item you own, like a book or an old shirt, and if it doesn’t immediately light you with joy, get rid of it. Let’s do the same with our friends. It’s draining to have a bunch of half-formed relationships in your life. Focus your energy on the people who encourage you, inspire you and bring you joy. If the number popping up on your caller ID makes you feel meh, end that friendship. If your best friend from the third grade hasn’t upped her friendship skills past braided bracelets, let her go.
No More Passes For Introverts to Be Flaky. So many memes about introverts, how quiet they are and how much they enjoy their alone time. Well, alone time is all you’re going to have if you keep flaking on your friends. We extroverts will leave your asses in 2017. Then, your social circle will become a ring of introverts making plans and canceling plans with each other until you forget what it’s even like interact with your friends face-to-face out in public.
Take Your Relationship Off Auto-Pilot. I’m not just talking about partners who don’t buy flowers anymore. Give yourself a relationship performance review for every person who matters to you in your life. Have you become lax about thanking your mom for picking the kids up from daycare? Are forgetting to ask your bestie about his or her day before you end a phone call? Are you showing enough enthusiasm for your partner’s bizarre hobbies? Figure out where you can do better and make some adjustments.
Be Transparent. Dating is difficult. A lot of times we get advice about how we should behave in order to be cool or to be more desirable. We don’t voice our wants and expectations, so, in turn, our needs go unmet. What’s the point of a relationship if it’s not fulfilling you in some way? Be honest about what’s really important to you from someone. Then, communicate that need. If it’s not respected, then return to No. 1 and Kondo that friendship.
If Your Significant Other Brings Drama Into Your Life — Start The Year Single. I think this one is self-explanatory and, coincidentally, most relevant to my current situation. Time to put those dating profile tips from Emily to use!
What are your top-of-the-year tips for having healthy relationships in 2017? Visit our Facebook page or email me your thoughts — and questions! — at [email protected]. •