Low-hanging fruit, ain’t he?

For once I can guess who you’re talking about. We’ve left our fuck-knuckle governor alone recently, partly because he’s just too easy to take the piss out of, and partly because his behavior is so petulant and petty, he makes Trump look like he has the hide of an orange rhino. And also, frankly, no matter how much of a tosser he is, he’s never going to be slung out or voted out, so what’s the point?

You think? In my not-very-humble opinion, Diet Trump is heading for the exit, and not before time. And not the exit marked Fox News analyst, but the one marked impeachment. With each passing moment he does more Van Dammage. If you are stupid enough to leave incriminating voicemails, then you are too stupid to govern, even as a Republican in Kentucky. Pride goes before a fall, and he’s so full of pride, he’s practically bursting.

He’s definitely full of something. But you’re having a laugh, aren’t you? Bevin’s so popular outside Louisville that he could vandalise Ali’s grave and his approval ratings would soar. In the Kentucky countryside, and that’s where it counts, Bevin’s considered the dog’s bollocks. He owns this state, and he knows it.

I wouldn’t be so sure. Leaving messages that say the equivalent of “convert or I’ll wreck your district” puts him on a very sticky wicket, although for a religious nut-bag, arguably a very appropriate one. But the point is not that he asked a Democrat to switch sides. That happens all the time in an industry where the top priority is remaining the local chief, ethics be damned. The problem is that he appears to have threatened payback, and then put his money where his mouth was. He thinks he’s untouchable, in an if-Chris-Christie-can-get-away-with-it-so-can-I sort of way. If there’s any justice he’ll end up behind bars.

Behind bars. Are you tripping? Wendell Berry has more chance of doing a stretch in chokey than Bevin. People who voted for him are getting exactly what they asked for and exactly what they wanted: someone willing to do whatever it takes to dismantle anything even remotely linked to the “coloured man” in the White House. He’ll never get impeached … and, just like Christie, he’ll get away with it.

Christie hasn’t got away with it. Yet. And neither will Bevin. Impeachment can only happen if Bevin has clearly broken the law, and I’m sure he’s arrogant enough to have left a trail right up to his office door. It doesn’t help that Kentucky Democrats are about as gutless as Enrique Peña Nieto at a Mexican press conference — and compared to most of them, Bevin has brass balls. I’ll give him that. Thinks he can walk all over Democrats, mainly because so far they’ve let him walk all over them. But maybe this’ll give them the shot in the arm they need to take him on. If that’s not too offensive a choice of words.

Could be better, but you’re going to have to do a lot worse to offend me. Impeachment isn’t going to happen, but you can be sure that lots more people will OD before anything sensible’s done about our drug policies. Even though I don’t even indulge in adult beverages, I think they should just go ahead and make all drugs legal. Hard to think of anything sillier than keeping booze and prescription drugs legal but making “controlled” drugs illegal.

No booze, no drugs. You’re so bloody pure. And no wonder you’re such a misanthrope. But seriously, you can’t just go ahead and make drugs a free-for-all. While I agree that legalisation is probably the only thing the drug trade truly fears, you can’t just go and do it overnight, even if we’re now faced with the ludicrous situation where locals are dropping like flies, while, at the same time, some drugs are legal depending on which part of this rock you’re standing on.

Ever stop for a moment to think about what Avon Barksdale was selling, or were you too busy drooling over Idris Elba? It wasn’t homemade vodka distilled in project bathrooms, and it wasn’t aspirins nicked from the local chemist. It was illegal drugs. Illegal being the operative word. Which is why most pot farmers in Colorado and Washington state don’t sell their weed locally, because that would make them just another farmer. They sell it where the markup’s the highest, and that’s where it’s illegal. Make it legal, the demand’ll collapse.

You make it sound like nobody’s ever died from booze or fags. It’s not going to miraculously stop if we legalise it. It’s just going to become a very expensive problem.

And it’s not now?

Erm. Touché.

Retreating in French. How predictably un-PC of you.