Hey look everyone! Nationalism is once again trying to rise up from the primordial goop like a drunken blabbering Leviathan, belching out its tired, old, super nonsense on how radical, bodacious and totally not lame white people are. You’ve got the British Empire over there, which decided to go all John Bull, and is now looking dumb as fuck, as per usual, yes. But this time they really stuck the baby in the microwave with this Brexit bullshit.
And then you’ve got us.
Good ol’ “Not-Doing-So-Great-at-the-Moment America™” — ( put that on a hat, and sell it to grandma!) — which is being choked to death on hate, hatred and the hateful. Oh yes, Betsy, it’s a wonderful fuckin’ time to be alive in the Land of The Free! Trump has descended from his high tower to wallow among the white dummies, who come out in droves to watch him stand at the podium and ejaculate septic tank rhetoric from his mouth, calling for racial profiling, and dropping disgusting references to sick fantasy shit like the “Death Wish” films, among other vernacular abominations, as the crowd goes wild in a fever-pitch vacuum of misplaced and miscalculated rage (we get it: You’re madder than hell, so big whoop) … So here we have Trump, a well-off New York dork, who’s flung himself in the company of booger eaters who dress their babies in Confederate flag onesies, and bemoan their eroding “Duke’s Of Hazard” heritage, a roaring mob of numbskulls dreaming of a country cleansed of diversity, where they can stand on a tricked-out pontoon, armed to the teeth, using tortilla chips to shovel caviar into their mouths in between ferocious gulps of champagne they got chillin’ in a brown paper bag, patting themselves on the back for having been born white and wretched … If Trump goes presidential, our world will become a “Punch & Judy” performance of “Escape From L.A.,” before exploding in a nuclear flash, because the newly-founded country of Florida had beef with the land of New Alaska.
But wait, there’s more!
Because on a street level, we have a whole viper’s nest of freedom-hatin’, knife-lovin’ white boys with paper shields chomping at the bit to hurt anyone and everyone who is different from them, as they whine about being blue collar and persecuted (I’m white, blue collar and not persecuted: I have a degree in Tryin’ To Get Over, and that’s all the higher education I gots, so keep that in mind as we travel together today). These dingus-laden hate groups, which are multiplying and imploding like little bombs of shit all over the nation, are some of the most confused and contradictory powder kegs I’ve ever encountered. Half of ‘em come across like scared malnourished urchins from some bizarro Dickens novel (the one no one read), while the other half are running around as if Bluto gave up on trying to kidnap Olive Oyl, got tatted and decided to form a new chapter of the Klu Klux Klan, and only because they’re criminal record prevents them from landing a job at the puppy mill … these bullhorn-lovin’, Might Is Right-readin’, self-made outcasts are banding together and getting vile, and just what do they want? They want an all-white, Jesus-lovin’ heterosexual nation to call home, a hellscape of rape-jokes, hot-dog casseroles and David Allan Coe, returning to his racist wheelhouse of horrors; a menagerie of repugnant nitwits in a poisonous paradise, who can proudly claim honky pride, without having some big-book-learned homosexual call them out on their gross insensitivity.
They want a wall, access to machine guns and velvet paintings of the Lord and savior on horseback, leading the Klan into glorious battle against the invading hordes, who are sucking all their resources dry! This worker-man, white-supremacy bullshit is about as fresh as a porn set rug, but way more of a health hazard, and played the fuck out. Oh how I wish we could forever close the clubhouse door on nationalism, because barring any and everyone from your little group simply because they don’t have the skin tone of a toilet bowl, is just sad.