As I sit in a our one-year-old conference room, eyes glazed over the glow of a computer screen, caught somewhere between a Christmas party coma, UofL-UK basketball coma, food coma and beverage coma, pondering what I could possibly write for the 52nd issue of LEO 2015, it occurs to me that there are so many unpublished thoughts. Sometimes a week’s article just jumps onto the page, while other weeks it is a struggle to find anything insightful, entertaining, intelligent or funny. Other times, there is a rogue thought that is one of encompasses one of these, if not all of these, traits, but for one reason or another, does not make the cut.
So, if you’re truly suffering from cabin fever, Monsoon”ville” 2015, bored with the new electronic gadget, or just looking for a random amalgamation of thoughts, I saved the best for last.
The English language is frustratingly stupid. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate quality writing and attention to detail, but to think that we need three different ways to spell there/their/they’re and that we need a word to describe what kind of words comprise this linguistic redundancy — homophones — makes no cents.
Speaking of scents, the penny must go. Lincoln would not be upset.
AP style journalism is such a monopoly scheme. I agree that journalism needs a standard, but the idea that it changes from year to year is ludicrous. It’s like textbooks that change one story about the Civil War, perhaps recounting a battle from Lincoln’s perspective instead of Grant’s, and all the sudden you have to buy another $100 textbook!
Respect the one-legged skateboarder.
Television stations who choose to run the Sarah-McLachlan-suffering-animals ad must give a five second warning before that commercial comes on. Part of my monthly contribution to the Humane Society should include not having to feel sad and depressed every time that commercial comes on.
Muhammad Ali is a Muslim, so is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Proud to call them Americans.
Free-throw shooters don’t deserve a five, or “dap,” from their teammates after missing a free throw. Actually, they don’t deserve one for making a free throw. Stand at the line and shoot the second free throw. First, you won’t look ridiculous, and, second, I bet you stay in a better rhythm and make more free throws.
With Uber, there really is no reason to ever get a DUI.
If you’re ever afraid of flying, just remember that there are 5,000 planes in the air right now over the United States. Or if this helps, there are about 87,000 flights over U.S. airspace today, there will be 87,000 tomorrow, and there were 87,000 yesterday. Might as well play the lottery.
Knock on wood.
I bet you read Stephen Colbert’s name as Stephen Colb “air” just now.
The thing about the immigration debate is that we could currently be two years into a reformed immigration system that includes border security, a 13-year pathway to citizenship for millions of undocumented immigrants, and a workplace verification system to help protect against illegal workers taking American jobs. That bill was not even brought to a vote by Speaker Boehner. Meanwhile, according to the Pew Research Center, in 2014, six states accounted for 60 percent of unauthorized immigrants. All but two of the 12 Senators from those states voted for the reform legislation (only our cowboy friends from Texas voted against). Oh, not to mention, the same 2014 report said that the unauthorized immigration population in the entire U.S. has remained unchanged for the last five years. Thanks Obama.
“Thanks, Obama” is the greatest line ever.
Speaking of which, with one year left in his Presidency, “Thanks, Obama, for the last seven years.” This includes 69 straight months of economic expansion (which, according to Forbes, also dominates Ronald Reagan’s economy on jobs, growth and investing), unemployment cut in half (from 10.1 percent to 5), reducing the federal deficit by two-thirds, keeping income taxes level or lowering taxes for 95 percent of Americans (only those making $400,000 per year and up saw an increase), for gas prices … oh, and thanks for Obamacare, which has led to the slowest rate of increase in healthcare costs since the 1960s, extended the life of Medicare by 14 years without cutting benefits to our parents and grandparents and led to over 10 million Americans joining the ranks of the insured.
The best ideas come while in the shower or in bed, when there’s no pen or paper around. Thanks, Obama.
Not just from the bottom of my heart, but the whole thing, thank you for reading LEO. Have a great New Year. See you for more fun in 2016.